At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

Score: ungraded

Issues:

1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
3. Lots of grammatical errors.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Partial Revision (All sentences are problematic; very difficult to read.)

(The controversy that whether classes and libraries are most important aspects in education has lasted for a long time.)[ Sentence makes no sense/factual error  ] Obviously the answer is no.[ logical disconnection from the prior sentence.  ] Someone believes that knowledge [ gleaned  ]from classes and libraries is more practical and helpful to students (themselves)[redundant   ] and society (as well)[wrong phrase   ]. However, in my opinion, sports and social activities are not lesser subjects (that are not influential enough)[wordy   ] and[wrong coordinating word   ], of course, they ought to be provided[ preposition error  ] financial support as equally as the[article error   ] classes and libraries.

Let’s consider the word “university” thoughtfully. University” the single word, has highlighted the goal of education to youth. Society desires people who depart from the university to get a development with whole aspects which means they should not only understand the practical knowledge, but also have a healthy (maybe even strong) body and be good at getting along with other people. Based on that concept stated above, how could we say the financial support to sports and social activities is less valuable.

Furthermore, students who accept an universal education can gain more honor for their universities. They will win prizes in many kinds of sport competitions if they can get support for their interest in sports. And also, donating themselves to social activities can earn reputation for themselves. Meanwhile, the universities they belong to can benefit from it, too.

Universally educated youth will have a huge positive influence on society. Because these youth are citizens who understand the responsibility to the world instead of machines that only master the professional knowledge in their respective fields. They will take it seriously to bring up their children with universal development, since they have been taught like that. That, surely, is very beneficial for the whole society.

All in all, education of sports and social activities must be concerned as equally as classes and libraries. To reach the goal, they should receive equal financial support.