Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate them in prison so that they can find a job after they leave prison.

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1. About 80% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
3. Spelling errors
4. Word choice errors
5. Verb form errors

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Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate them in prison so that they can find a job after they leave prison. To what extent do you agree?

With the decreasing crime rate in societies [unsubstantiated statement   ], people start to (concern about)[wrong phrase   ] how to reform those malefactors and how to ensure that they [ unclear pronoun  ]are not going to commit crimes for the second time[ wordy  ]. Some (hold the idea)[ wordy   ] that the best way[  incompleted ] is to educate them[unclear pronoun   ] in prison by offering them vocational training[ redundant  ] to help them[ unclear pronoun  ] make a living in the future. (But from my point of view, I do not fully agree with this statement)[ repetitive  ].

(It is the fact that)[  redundant ] education (is at the core of )[ use concrete verb  ](this whole process of rehabilitation) [ repetition  ]. According to a host of studies, due to factors like[ change to formal word  ] poverty and parental neglect, some criminals, especially those who are juveniles, have few chances of receiving decent education in school and thus are lack of [grammatical error   ]law-abiding consciousness and (fundamental skills to support themselves to live)[ wordy – use 2 or 3 words  ]. In this case, equipping them[  unclear pronoun ] with (some living skills in prison)[ unclear  ] seems an appropriate and effectual approach to (deter crime after setting them free)[  unclear ].

However, (there are many other problems and factors we have neglected )[wordy – rephrase by removing ‘there are’   ]that may stimulate offence[word form error   ]: violence, racial discrimination, and sexual assault, to name but a few. The main one among these[unclear pronoun   ] is the prolonged exposure to domestic or street violence, which, to some degree, makes the criminals anti-social and twisted[unclear   ]. As a result, they are more likely to( embark on the criminal road again)[ unclear  ], so, in my opinion, it is necessary to introduce psychotherapy into (the system of rehabilitation)[ unclear  ] or invite a minister to preach to them. It[ unclear pronoun  ] will assist them[ unclear pronoun  ] in managing their[ unclear pronoun  ] anger, reining back their sadistic impulse, feeling support and love, and most importantly, acquiring faith and belief in their lives[ wordy and unclear  ].

In conclusion, what is certain is that education during the process of [ matters significantly in  ]rehabilitation plays a significant role in offering [in that it offers    ]criminals [ additional  ]more employment opportunities and reducing crimes[ for the inmates  ], but (aside from that, they also need to be taught how to reintegrate back into society with the stable mental state as well as the ability to respect others and love themselves.)[ wordy / unclear  ]

Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate them in prison so that they can find a job after they leave prison. To what extent do you agree?

Given that (most of the criminals are poorly educated)[ absolute statement ], (they always have difficulty in job-hunting after being released)[absolute statement  ]. Because of this[ unclear pronoun ],  they tend to embark on (the criminal road)[ unclear ] again. Therefore, some (hold the idea)[ unclear ] that providing inmates with[appropriate  ] vocational training is the best way to deter crime. I do not fully agree with this statement. [The last two sentences are logically disconnected from the prior sentences.  ]

Undoubtedly, education is the essential part of  rehabilitation. According to a host of studies, due to factors, for instance, poverty and parental neglect, some criminals, especially those who are juveniles, have few chances of receiving decent education and thus lack law-abiding consciousness and basic means of livelihood. So, in order to equip these offenders for their future lives in the society, career education and general knowledge courses will be certainly necessary and beneficial.

However, many other problems and factors we have overlooked may stimulate offenses: violence, racial discrimination, and sexual assault, to name but a few. Among these factors, the prolonged exposure to violence, whether domestic or street, may lead to some severe mental problems which make the criminals anti-social and more likely to commit crimes for several times. In this case, in my view, psychotherapy should be introduced into rehabilitation. Regular meeting with professional therapists will assist offenders to learn about how to rein back their sadistic impulse, how to manager anger and how to deal with problems without using violence.

In conclusion, education matters significantly in rehabilitation as it offers more employment opportunities for inmates. But as for those inmates with underlying psychological issues, psychotherapy is indispensable as well because it will help them reintegrate better into society with stable mental state.