Suggestions for Improvement
- Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
[Please share this essay (copy URL) on your WeChat Moments or relevant social media if you like my revision. Thank you!]
WritersForMe Writing Tips
- Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
- ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
- BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
- COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
- COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
- Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
- Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
- It + Be + Verb: Wordy.
- Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
- NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
- PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
- Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
- Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
- There Be Sentence: Wordy
- Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
- Unparalleled Structure: use paralleled structures, including tense.
- VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
- WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.
Would like to know how to write Statement of Purpose and Personal Statement? Please visit PersonalStatement101.com.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.