Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. 

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. 

  • Joanna121
    University: Shanghai Ocean University
    Nationality: Chinese
    May 27, 2021 at 3:16 am

    Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. 

    There is no doubt that advertising is everywhere nowadays, advertisements have been posted on TV, newspapers, and even on screen back of taxi. Some people say they have bought many things because watching those advertisements, while other people say those pictures and worlds are failure to draw their attention as there are too many around. In my opinion, I think it depends on personality that if they can be affected by advertising.

    Some people are more willing to buy advertised stuffs as advertising shows the good side of products and presents benefits that customers can get once they purchase their goods. For example, a beautiful girl drank a brand of tea and then she becomes slim and healthy in an advertisement, some people believe same thing will happen if they drink same tea. So they go to buy it in the end. As well as advertised products look famous, and people are more likely to buy fashion things.

    On the contract, some people who are not easily attracted by advertisements, they hold the idea that advertising companies exaggerate effects of their products, most of images and slogans are unreal, customer should not believe those things. Besides, posting advertisements are expensive, and those expenditures will burden on customers. So, they ignore advertisings around their daily life.

    I believe what advertisements present are not all true, it is just commercial activities, but they show main functions of products which are useful to comparing with similar products made by other companies. Generally, I do not like to buy advertised products often, but if a thing is really good for me, I will buy it no matter is has advertised or not.

    May 27, 2021 at 3:38 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 35% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.