As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

  • Vandella
    University: Tsinghua University
    Nationality: China
    August 11, 2020 at 1:29 am

    As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

    Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

    With the rapid development of technology nowadays, more and more daily problems once needed us to deal with can be easily solved. This convenience technology has brought to us, though, a new concern that we might deteriorate in the ability to think for ourselves. This statement might be true considering special circumstances. However, to view this statement in a grander scale, we can see the effort of thinking we paid to develop these technology and solving those newly raised problems. So, I disagree with this statement.

    It is true that some of our abilities might deteriorate as the technology takes the place of human in many fields of thinking. Especially when the process is repetitive and strictly ruled, our human brains might get exhausted and produce a lot of mistakes, while computer and other newly developed technologies can perform better. As technology replaces us in these thinking processes, we perform less of these thinking while the actual outcome becomes much more precise, and we no longer consider these processes as thinking once crucial to us. With reduced importance attached to and less practice performed in these thinking processes, it is for sure that our ability of thinking will deteriorate from these aspects. For example, the ability to calculate once was needed even when a housewife wanted to check her bills. However, now with the help of calculators and advanced computers, the most complex calculation that a scientist or an engineer needs to work out can be easily solved within seconds. So the deterioration of our ability to calculate or to accomplish other thinking processes that can be replaced by new technology is unavoidable.

    Despite these abilities that might deteriorate, though, we should also see the inspiration that new technology can bring to us. Indeed these technologies themselves are the outcomes of our thinking. It is our intentional seeking for improvement of life quality that induced the development of technologies. To enhance the connection of people far away, mobile and Internet were invented to swiftly convey messages, while robots were built to free us from dangerous and tiring work. Thus, to develop a useful technology that can be applied to various circumstances, human need the ability of thinking to draft a rough blueprint of the technology. With the intention of the technology clear, people then need to apply the know scientific principles to realize their imagination, from the basic Newton’s laws to the frontier of science, such as Einstein’s relativity theory. Furthermore, the ability of thinking is also required for improvement of the technology even after its birth. So it can be questionable that how these technologies can develop so fast, if our ability to think has been deteriorating.

    Last but not the least, new technologies also has brought us many new problems that still need us to solve, while providing us convenience with solutions to the old ones. So to further solve these newly raised problems, we still need to think creatively. The wide application of automobiles, for example, while providing us with convenience of traveling, also has raised problems in traffic and pollution. We need to come up new stipulations to control the number of automobiles, and to develop new methods to purify the emission. It is our ability to think for ourselves that enables us to deal with the shortcomings of these new technologies and to make good use of them. Thus, human thinking has never been out of date, and we still rely on our abilities to solve many problems which is even more complicated than the old ones. Before, we used our wisdom to reduce life struggle, while now we change our focus to vital problems which need to be solved to maintain sustainable development. However, regardless of the content our thinking is about, we think no less than in the past, and our ability to think does not deteriorate.

    To conclude, the statement regarding our deterioration in the ability to think for ourselves is at least partly incorrect. The development of technology itself has already proved the improvement of our thoughts, while the solution to these new problems created by technology requires us to think continuously. Although, it might be true that some aspects in our ability to think has deteriorated, our ability to think has not been challenged while regarding as a whole.

    August 11, 2020 at 10:39 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Vandella
    University: Tsinghua University
    Nationality: China
    August 12, 2020 at 8:19 am

    As technology develops rapidly nowadays, more and more daily problems can be easily solved. However it has also raised a new concern that we might deteriorate in the ability to think for ourselves. This statement might be true considering special circumstances. However, I still disagree with this statement regarding the effort of thinking we have paid to develop these technologies and to solve those newly raised problems.

    It is true that some of our abilities will deteriorate as technology replaces us in many fields of thinking, especially when the process is repetitive and strictly ruled. During these processes, devices can produce outcomes with high speed and accuracy. So we no longer need to perform these thinking processes as much as before. Thus, with reduced importance attached to these thinking abilities, their deterioration will be just a matter of time. For example, the ability to calculate was once needed even when a housewife wanted to check out her bills. However, with the help of calculators and advanced computers, the most complex calculation that professional engineers needs to work out can be solved within seconds. This shows that the ability to perform correct calculation is not as important as it once were. So the deterioration of our ability to calculate in this technology era can be unavoidable.

    Even though some aspects of our ability to think will deteriorate, technology can also promote our ability to think for ourselves in other aspects. Indeed, these technologies themselves are the outcomes of our thinking. To develop new technology, we first need to seek for inspiration in our lives. Then we make use of the known natural principles, applying them to fulfill our intention. We make a draft version of the new technology and continue to improve it. During all those processes, we use our ability to think creatively for ourselves. So if our ability to think creatively has deteriorated, then how we can continue to breakthrough. From the first car that was built by Benz to Tesla that powered by electricity, we have been upgrading these technologies with great speed. Thus, it can be ridiculous for this statement to say that our ability of thinking for ourselves will deteriorate.

    Last but not the least, new technologies also has raised various new problems. Thus we still need to think for ourselves even after we have solved the previous ones, and the deterioration of our ability to think will be prevented. Take Internet as an example. It has shorten the time needed for us to convey messages and provided us convenience. However, it also produces new problems such as Internet addiction. Now, treatment on Internet addiction is still in heated debate, while governments have managed to think of restrictions on Internet using. We need to consider the shortcomings of these new technologies to use them properly, while these shortcomings always bring out new problems without previous solution. So our ability to think for ourselves is still needed for us to make good use of these technologies.

    To conclude, it is at least partly incorrect to say that our ability to think will deteriorate. Although some degree deterioration might occur, the development of technology itself and the solutions to new problems will prove the improvement of our ability to think as a whole.

    August 12, 2020 at 9:58 pm

    As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

    As technology develops rapidly nowadays, more and more [ verbose  ]daily[ unclear word  ] problems can be easily solved[ failure to link to Technology  ]. However[ punctuation error  ] it [ unclear pronoun  ]has also raised a new concern that (we might deteriorate in the ability to think)[ verbose: use maximum 3 words to rephrase  ] for ourselves. This statement might be true considering special circumstances. However, I still disagree with (this statement)[ repetition  ] regarding [unclear word   ]the effort of thinking (we have paid)[misplaced   ] to develop (these technologies)[new idea without introduction   ] and to solve (those newly raised problems)[  new idea without introduction ].

    It is true that some of our abilities will deteriorate as technology replaces us in many fields of thinking, especially when the process is repetitive and strictly ruled. During these processes, devices can produce outcomes with high speed and accuracy. So we no longer need to perform these thinking processes as much as before. Thus, with reduced importance attached to these thinking abilities, their deterioration will be just a matter of time. For example, the ability to calculate was once needed even when a housewife wanted to check out her bills. However, with the help of calculators and advanced computers, the most complex calculation that professional engineers needs to work out can be solved within seconds. This shows that the ability to perform correct calculation is not as important as it once were. So the deterioration of our ability to calculate in this technology era can be unavoidable.

    Even though some aspects of our ability to think will deteriorate, technology can also promote our ability to think for ourselves in other aspects. Indeed, these technologies themselves are the outcomes of our thinking. To develop new technology, we first need to seek for inspiration in our lives. Then we make use of the known natural principles, applying them to fulfill our intention. We make a draft version of the new technology and continue to improve it. During all those processes, we use our ability to think creatively for ourselves. So if our ability to think creatively has deteriorated, then how we can continue to breakthrough. From the first car that was built by Benz to Tesla that powered by electricity, we have been upgrading these technologies with great speed. Thus, it can be ridiculous for this statement to say that our ability of thinking for ourselves will deteriorate.

    Last but not the least, new technologies also has raised various new problems. Thus we still need to think for ourselves even after we have solved the previous ones, and the deterioration of our ability to think will be prevented. Take Internet as an example. It has shorten the time needed for us to convey messages and provided us convenience. However, it also produces new problems such as Internet addiction. Now, treatment on Internet addiction is still in heated debate, while governments have managed to think of restrictions on Internet using. We need to consider the shortcomings of these new technologies to use them properly, while these shortcomings always bring out new problems without previous solution. So our ability to think for ourselves is still needed for us to make good use of these technologies.

    To conclude, it is at least partly incorrect to say that our ability to think will deteriorate. Although some degree deterioration might occur, the development of technology itself and the solutions to new problems will prove the improvement of our ability to think as a whole.

    August 12, 2020 at 10:06 pm

    I revised the introductory paragraph only to show typical problems with your essay and the way to write it better.

    Vandella
    University: Tsinghua University
    Nationality: China
    August 25, 2020 at 2:01 am

    As technology develops rapidly, people rely more on it to solve problems. Thus, many think that our ability to think will deteriorate considering technology’s replacement of our effort. This statement might be true under special circumstances. However, I still disagree with it, as we still think a lot in other occasions.

     

    It is true that some of our abilities will deteriorate as technology replaces us in many fields of thinking. Especially when process is repetitive and strictly ruled, automatic programs can perform better than us. So we no longer need to perform these thinking processes as much as before. With reduced importance attached to these thinking abilities, deterioration will be just a matter of time. Take the ability to calculate as an example. Even housewives checking their daily bills needed it in the past. However, with help of calculators and advanced computers, technology can help us to work out even the most complex calculation within seconds. We calculate less, and the ability to perform correct calculation is not as important as it once were. So unavoidable deterioration will exist in our ability to calculate.

     

    Even though some aspects of our ability to think will deteriorate, technology can also promote it in other aspects. Indeed, various technologies developed today are outcomes of our thinking, and our thinking still involves in new development. To develop new technology, we first seek for inspiration in our lives. Then we make use of known natural principles and continue to improve the product. During all these processes, we use our ability to think creatively for ourselves. Regarding our continuous breakthrough, our ability to think has not and will not deteriorate. From the first car built by Benz to Tesla powered by electricity, we have been upgrading our products rapidly. Capacity of computers has increased exponentially according to Moore’s Law. Thus, deterioration in our ability to think must not be a general truth.

     

    Last but not the least, new technology also has raised various new problems. Finding solutions still requires our effort of thinking. Thus, solutions to previous problems do not end our thinking process,  while new problems will encourage us to think more profoundly. For example, we need to deal with Internet addiction which is a problem newly introduced by access to Internet. Though it has brought us convenience in communication, addiction problem has harmed society severely. So we need to establish new regulations with careful consideration. Optimal application of other technologies also require similar consideration. Our ability to think weights even more in rapid development of technology. Thus, deterioration in our ability to think will not occur as predicted.

     

    To conclude, it is at least partly incorrect to say that our ability to think will deteriorate. Although, to some degree, deterioration might occur, development of technology itself and solutions to new problems will prove efficiency of our ability to think.

    August 26, 2020 at 7:42 pm

    As technology develops rapidly, people rely more on it to solve problems. Thus, many think that our ability to think will [/could – conditional writing  ] deteriorate considering technology’s [  potential]replacement of our [cognitive efforts  ]effort. This statement might be true under special circumstances. However, I still disagree with it[ since it does not hold in many  ], as we still think a lot in other occasions.

    It is true that[ Perhaps – conditional writing ] some of our abilities will deteriorate as technology replaces us (in many fields of thinking)[ unclear ]. Especially when the [During a repetitive ]process is repetitive and strictly ruled[ unclear ], automatic programs can perform better than us. So we no longer need to perform[word repetition  ] these thinking processes as much as before. With reduced importance attached to these thinking abilities, deterioration [ of human cognition ] will be just a matter of time. Take the ability to calculate as an example. Even housewives checking [In the past, housewives used their brains to calculate  ]their daily bills needed it in the past. However, with help of calculators and advanced computers, technology [ Today, computers  ]can help us to work out even the most [ completed ]complex calculation [ calculations ] within seconds. We calculate less, and the ability to perform correct calculation is not as important as it once were. So unavoidable deterioration will exist in our [So our  ]ability to calculate [is likely to deteriorate  ].

    Even though some aspects of our ability to think will deteriorate, [Despite our reduced thinking ability in certain areas,  ]technology can also promote it in other aspects. Indeed, various technologies developed today are outcomes of our thinking, and our thinking still involves in new development. To develop new technology, we first seek for inspiration in our lives. Then we make use of known natural principles and continue [ in an effort ]to improve the product. During all these processes, we use our [creative thinking   ]ability to think creatively for ourselves. Regarding our [to make  ]continuous breakthrough [ scientific breakthroughs, thereby sustaining and strengthening our cognitive capability ], our ability to think has not and will not deteriorate. From the first car built by Benz to Tesla powered by electricity, we have been upgrading our products rapidly. [ The computational capacity ]Capacity of computers has increased exponentially according to Moore’s Law. Thus, deterioration in our ability to think must not be a general truth[ logically unconvincing to support the prior statement ].

    Last but not the least, new technology also has raised [given  ]various new problems [ resulted from technological advancement, finding ]. Finding solutions still requires our [ mental exertions ] effort of thinking. Thus, solutions to previous [ preexistent ] problems do not end our thinking process,  while new problems will encourage us to think more profoundly. For example, we need to deal [ in dealing ]with Internet [ internet ] addiction[, a prominent societal challenge,  ] which is a problem newly introduced by access to Internet. Though it has brought us convenience in communication, addiction problem has harmed society severely. So we need to establish [ /formulate ]new regulations with careful consideration. Optimal application of other technologies also require [ requires ]similar consideration. Our ability to think weights even more in rapid development of technology [ as technological development accelerates ]. Thus, deterioration in our ability to think will not occur as [some  ]predicted.

    To conclude, it is at least partly incorrect to say that our ability to think will deteriorate. Although, to some degree, deterioration might occur, development of technology itself [ development ]and solutions to new problems will prove efficiency of our ability to think.

    August 26, 2020 at 8:26 pm

    Final revision