The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.

  • Yuting Yang
    University: the University of Sydney
    Nationality: Chinese
    February 8, 2021 at 1:37 pm

    The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.

    A sense of cooperation, compared to competition, is claimed to be of more significance when preparing young leaders. Since the society is fraught with competitions of all sorts already, I totally agree with the claim.

    One reason to support instilling cooperation rather than competition into young people is that collaboration among strangers is the bedrock of modern society. From the production of a tiny commodity to the operation of the whole country, collaborative work is a leading element of our daily life. Consider economy, according to the specialization theory concluded by Adam Smith, specialization, which prompts social productivity, makes a country wealthy. Moreover, trade within and between countries has brought about enormous mutual benefits over centuries. The division of labor, accompanied by cooperation among individuals, departments, and even countries has contributed to better lives for people all over the world. This success makes it important for young people to learn how to cooperate with each other, which enables them to become good leaders in government, industry, or other fields.

    Leadership, actually, is the advanced version of cooperation. People who take charge of a department, institution, company, or government are skilled at identifying potential and intelligent people, assigning specialized tasks to appropriate people, and taking valuable and suitable suggestions. Mao zedong, during the Second Sino-Japanese War, formed an alliance with Kuomintang fighting together against the warlords and imperialists. The cooperation between the two parties, although fell apart soon, accelerated the process of the revolution. By contrast, the leader of the Kuomintang, disregarded the importance of cooperation, ultimately ruined this union, however, and resulted in a civil war. An outstanding leader is aware of the truth that teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success.

    Furthermore, this generation has to compete with each other from an early age. Competition has been considered as an effective approach to inspire children to commit to the tasks and develop essential skills. At school, they have to take a large number of examinations since primary school or even kindergarten. At home, they have to compete with their brothers or sisters or peers, due to the fact that most parents prefer children who are more intelligent and outstanding. In consequence of excessive competition since childhood, the youth have already developed the essential skills to compete, as well as other skills that facilitate them to win. According to that, children should be instilled with a sense of cooperation, knowledge that is required to be taught.

    To sum up, it is reasonable to claim that a sense of cooperation is more important than competition when preparing young leaders.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 9, 2021 at 10:07 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision )

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Yuting Yang
    University: the University of Sydney
    Nationality: Chinese
    February 10, 2021 at 7:36 am

    Modified version

    A sense of cooperation, compared to competition, is claimed to be of more significance when preparing young leaders. Since the society is fraught with competitions of all sorts already, I totally agree with the claim.

    One reason to support instilling cooperation rather than competition into young people is that collaboration among strangers is the bedrock of modern society. From the production of a tiny commodity to the whole country’s operation, collaborative work is a leading element of our daily life. Consider economy, according to the specialization theory concluded by Adam Smith, specialization, which prompts social productivity, makes a country wealthy. Moreover, trade within and between countries has brought about enormous mutual benefits over centuries. The division of labor, accompanied by cooperation among individuals, departments, and even countries has contributed to better lives for people all over the world. This success makes it important for young people to learn how to cooperate with each other, which enables them to become good leaders in government, industry, or other fields.

    In addition, leadership, actually, is the advanced version of cooperation. People who take charge of a department, institution, company, or government are skilled at identifying potential and intelligent people, assigning specialized tasks to appropriate people, and taking valuable and suitable suggestions. Mao zedong, during the Second Sino-Japanese War, formed an alliance with Kuomintang fighting together against the warlords and imperialists. The cooperation between the two parties, although fell apart soon, accelerated the process of the revolution. By contrast, the leader of the Kuomintang, disregarded the importance of cooperation, ultimately ruined this union, however, and resulted in a civil war. An outstanding leader is aware of the truth that teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success.

    This generation, however, has to compete with each other from an early age. They struggle to do better than their peers or even themselves every single day. Some people have taken it for granted that competition is an effective approach to inspire children’s commitment to the tasks and develop essential skills. They, however, do not realize the backfire caused. One extreme example is Adolf Hitler, who was obsessed with fostering competition among his subordinates in order to consolidate and maximize his power. Even more extremely, he tried to prove that his race was superior to others, which finally resulted in the tragedy of Jewish and turbulence throughout the world. Excessive and unhealthy competitions will not contribute to improvement or development among the kids but stress, discrimination, and moreover, extremist. According to that, a sense of competition is no longer needed to be taught.

    To sum up, for the reason that everyone is confronted with competition every day, it is reasonable to make a claim — a sense of cooperation is more important than competition when preparing young leaders.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 10, 2021 at 10:06 pm

    Score: 40.2

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision )

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Yuting Yang
    University: the University of Sydney
    Nationality: Chinese
    February 11, 2021 at 8:46 am

    Compared with the competition, a sense of cooperation seems of more significance for young leaders. I agree with this claim, due to the fact that society is fraught with competitions of all sorts already.

    One reason to support this position is that collaboration among strangers is the bedrock of modern society. Collaborative work has become a leading element of our daily life, from commodity production to the whole country’s operation. Consider economy, according to the specialization theory concluded by Adam Smith; specialization has promoted social productivity, and trade within and between countries has created enormous mutual benefits. The division of labor, accompanied by cooperation through each process, has contributed to better lives for people worldwide. This success makes it essential for young people to learn how to cooperate, enabling them to become outstanding leaders in government, industry, or other fields.

    Besides, leadership, actually, is the advanced version of cooperation. Besides, leadership is the advanced version of cooperation. People in charge are skilled at scouting for talents, assigning specialized tasks, and taking valuable suggestions. During the Second Sino-Japanese War, Mao Zedong allied with Kuomintang fighting together against the warlords and imperialists. This alliance, although fallen apart soon, accelerated the process of the revolution. By contrast, the Kuomintang leader disregarded the importance of cooperation, which ultimately ruined this union and resulted in a civil war. An outstanding leader must be aware of the truth that teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success.

    This generation, however, has to compete with each other from an early age. They struggle to do better than their peers or even themselves every single day. Some people have taken it for granted that competition is a practical approach to inspiring children’s commitment and develop essential skills. They, however, do not realize the backfire caused. One extreme example is Adolf Hitler, obsessed with fostering competition among his subordinates to consolidate and maximize his power. Even more remarkably, he tried to prove that his race was superior to others. This finally resulted in the tragedy of Jewish and turbulence throughout the world. Excessive and unhealthy competition will not contribute to leadership but stress, discrimination, and extremist. According to that, a sense of competition is no longer needed to be taught.

    As everyone is confronted with competition every day, it is reasonable to conclude that cooperation is more important than competition when preparing young leaders.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 16, 2021 at 11:25 pm

    Compared with the[ article error ] competition, (a sense of cooperation)[ uncomparable subject ] (seems of more significance)[ grammatical error ] for young leaders. I agree with this claim, [ punctuation error ] (due to the fact that)[ wordy ] society is fraught with competitions [ word form error ] of all sorts already.

    One reason to support this position is that collaboration among strangers is the bedrock of modern society. Collaborative work has become a leading element of our daily life, from commodity production to the whole country’s operation. Consider economy, according to the specialization theory concluded by Adam Smith; specialization has promoted social productivity, and trade within and between countries has created enormous mutual benefits. The division of labor, accompanied by cooperation through each process, has contributed to better lives for people worldwide. This success makes it essential for young people to learn how to cooperate, enabling them to become outstanding leaders in government, industry, or other fields.

    Besides, leadership, actually, is the advanced version of cooperation. Besides, leadership is the advanced version of cooperation. People in charge are skilled at scouting for talents, assigning specialized tasks, and taking valuable suggestions. During the Second Sino-Japanese War, Mao Zedong allied with Kuomintang fighting together against the warlords and imperialists. This alliance, although fallen apart soon, accelerated the process of the revolution. By contrast, the Kuomintang leader disregarded the importance of cooperation, which ultimately ruined this union and resulted in a civil war. An outstanding leader must be aware of the truth that teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success.

    This generation, however, has to compete with each other from an early age. They struggle to do better than their peers or even themselves every single day. Some people have taken it for granted that competition is a practical approach to inspiring children’s commitment and develop essential skills. They, however, do not realize the backfire caused. One extreme example is Adolf Hitler, obsessed with fostering competition among his subordinates to consolidate and maximize his power. Even more remarkably, he tried to prove that his race was superior to others. This finally resulted in the tragedy of Jewish and turbulence throughout the world. Excessive and unhealthy competition will not contribute to leadership but stress, discrimination, and extremist. According to that, a sense of competition is no longer needed to be taught.

    As everyone is confronted with competition every day, it is reasonable to conclude that cooperation is more important than competition when preparing young leaders.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 17, 2021 at 12:05 am

    On hold [Essay contains excessive problems.]

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