Studies show that criminals get a low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Studies show that criminals get a low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • jie_kit
    University: Jilin University
    Nationality: Chinese
    January 23, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    Studies show that criminals get a low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    Some people reckon that education in prison will decline the crime rate effectively, given the situation that large quantities of crimes result from poor education. While speaking of the correlation between education and crime,  the variety of offenders and their criminal motivations should be taken into consideration.

    Many criminals, like thieves, shoplifters and hijackers used to do menial work because of the scarcity of required professional skills for other decent jobs. To make it worse, chances are that they can find a job again after being released are throttled by the criminal records and insufficient work qualifications. In that case, education that targets at vocational training can do enormous amounts to the possibility of being employed after rehabilitation. And those offenders will be less likely to commit crimes again for

    Nevertheless, not all crimes are property cases. Another group of malefactors, such as series murderers, paedophiles and so on, committed crimes in pursuit of psychological satisfaction. A qualified psychologist, therefore, appears to do more than an experienced teacher can. And when looking into the major hindrance for a released criminal to find a job, it is the general impression of unreliability and violent-orientation that a criminal record brings on employers, which even a prominent academic background can not clean up. As a result, the isolation and discrimination towards offenders may irritate their anti-social behaviours again although they performed well under the so-called prison education program.

    The bias still exists. Surely it has been widely acknowledged that prison education does a lot for criminals to blend in the society after servicing the sentences. But the limitation is here and it can not be ignored. The funny thing is that maybe we are the ones who should be educated.

    jie_kit
    University: Jilin University
    Nationality: Chinese
    January 23, 2020 at 4:37 pm

    hi,there

    sorry about this wrong post. i guess its my first time to use this website and i made it wrong. The title cant be fully shown and some codes conjured up in the post . I did try to revise but failed in deleting the post.

    So maybe any administrators could help to delete the post for me ? I will try to get the hang of the editor very soon.

    Best regards,

    JIE

    January 23, 2020 at 7:04 pm

    Score: 43.8

    Issues:

    1. More than 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    jie_kit
    University: Jilin University
    Nationality: Chinese
    January 24, 2020 at 1:44 am

    Some people reckon that education in prison will decline the crime rate effectively, given the situation that many crimes result from poor education. From my perspective, prison education plays a significant role in criminals’  rehabilitation but some concerns still remain.

    Many criminals, like thieves, shoplifters and hijackers used to do menial work and lack required skills for decent jobs. To make it worse, chances are that they can settle down again are throttled by the insufficient work qualifications. In that case, education targeting at vocational training can do enormous amounts to the possibility of a criminal’ being employed. And those offenders will be less likely to commit crimes again for living necessities.

    Nevertheless, not all crimes are property cases. Another group of malefactors, such as series murderers, paedophiles and so on, committed crimes in pursuit of psychological satisfaction. A qualified psychologist, therefore, appears to do more than an experienced teacher can. And the major hindrance for a criminal to find a job is not a scarcity of education. It is the general impression of violent-orientation that a criminal record brings, which a prominent academic background can not improve. As a result, the isolation and discrimination towards offenders may irritate their anti-social behaviours again.

    The bias still exists. Surely prison education does a lot for criminals to blend in society after serving the sentences. But the limitation is here and it can not be ignored. The funny thing is that maybe we are the ones who should receive an education.

    January 25, 2020 at 10:14 pm

    Score: 49.2

    Some people reckon that (education in prison) [unclear  ] will decline the crime rate effectively[inappropriate word position  ] , [  punctuation error] given the situation[wrong word  ] that many crimes result from poor education[ logical confusion ] . From my perspective, prison education[unclear  ] (plays a significant role in)[ wordy-facilitates ] criminals’  rehabilitation[ punctuation error in relation to coordinating word ] but some concerns still remain.

    Many criminals, like[ such as ] thieves, shoplifters and hijackers[ punctuation error ] used to do menial work and lack[tense inconsistency/did-do  ] [ article error ] required skills for decent jobs. To make it worse, chances are that they can settle down again are throttled by[passive  ] the insufficient work qualifications. In that case, education targeting at vocational training can (do enormous amounts to the possibility of)[wordy  ] (a criminal’ being employed)[ redundant ] . [punctuation error in relation to coordinating word  ] And those offenders will be less likely to commit crimes again for living necessities.

    Nevertheless, not all crimes are property cases[ unclear ] . Another group of malefactors, such as series[preposition error  ] murderers, paedophiles[ spelling ] and so on, committed crimes in pursuit of psychological satisfaction. A qualified psychologist, therefore, appears (to do)[ unclear ] more than an experienced teacher can[ wrong verb ] . [ punctuation error concerning coordinating word ] And the major hindrance for a criminal to find a job (is not)[BE Verb/NOT  ] a scarcity of education. [  The hindrance to criminals’ job efforts relates less to their poor education than to the public concern of their potential, violent behaviors] It is the general impression of violent[ word form ] -orientation that a criminal record brings, which a prominent academic background can not improve. As a result, the isolation and discrimination towards offenders may irritate[wrong word/encourage  ] their anti-social behaviours again.

    The bias still exists. Surely prison education[unclear  ] (does a lot for)[ wordy/informal – helps ] criminals to blend[ wrong word ] in society after serving the sentences. But the limitation( is here)[unclear  ] and it can not be ignored. (The funny thing is that maybe we are the ones who should receive an education.)[ unclear ]

    jie_kit
    University: Jilin University
    Nationality: Chinese
    January 27, 2020 at 10:33 am

    Some people reckon that prison education will decline the crime rate, given many criminals under a low level of education. From my perspective, prison education does facilitate criminals’  rehabilitation, but some concerns remain.

    Many criminals(thieves, shoplifters and so on) equipped only for menial work, have little choice but to illegally earn a living. Worse, the imprisonment may make their existing skillsets fall behind the requirements that a fast-developing job market needs.  In that case, updated vocational training in prison could boost the criminal’s re-employment. Therefore, they would be less likely to commit crimes again for living necessities.

    Nevertheless, by getting offenders hired to reduce crimes, it doesn’t work for all. Another group of malefactors, such as serial murderers, pedophiles and so on, conduct crimes in pursuit of psychological satisfaction. What they need is the psychological approach aiming at curing cognitive distortions. The crime rate, consequently, would come down but not by educating criminals to find a job.

    Additionally, good performance under prison education doesn’t promise an integration into society. Taking the job application as an example, the hindrance to criminals’ job efforts relates less to their poor education than to the public concern of their potential, violent behaviours. That worry could segregate offenders socially, which as a result may encourage their anti-social behaviours.

    To conclude, surely educating wrongdoers in prison benefits their employment after serving the sentences. Yet the animosity and isolation towards them still exist. To reduce misdeeds, the main significance is to eliminate the discrimination that crime records bring.

    jie_kit
    University: Jilin University
    Nationality: Chinese
    January 27, 2020 at 10:50 am

    hi, there,

    I really appreciate your time on revising my writing. I had modified most of the problems you marked and I learnt a lot from your comments, while there is still something I don’t understand.

    the sentences, like ” education in prison” , “prison education” and so o, you marked “unclear”, do you refer to the undetailed description? Sorry, could you make an example so I can fully understand?

    And thanks again for your comments.

    Best regards,

    JIE

     

    January 28, 2020 at 3:13 am

    education in prison  – can you draw a clear picture based on a piece of paper based on these three words? If not, try to add a word or two, which will allow you to draw a clear picture.

    January 28, 2020 at 3:16 am

    Score: 40.1

    I will get back to you shortly.