The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town.

  • didicoca2002
    University: SJSU
    Nationality: China
    December 19, 2020 at 7:47 pm

    The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town.

    The homeowner stated that Adams Realty is superior, due to the two factors of higher revenue of home sale and a shorter selling period of the real estate. Both factors conclude that Adams Realty should be chosen are flawed.

    In the first statement, considering the precondition of both Adams and Fitch Realty, Adams obtained 60% more agents comparing to Fitch; however, the average revenue Adams twice more than Fitch, which sufficient for homeowners to conclude Adams as a superior real estate company in the town. The conclusion is a lack of evidence proofing that both real estate companies focus on the same market. In general, the price of a single-family house, townhouse, condo, apartment, or mobile home all have their base price and expert on the market. If Fitch target the lower end housing price market, it would not surprise to gain lower revenue and the closing price of each unit comparing with Adams. Besides, the revenue usually depends on the total cost of selling price each with the deduction of real estate agents’ commission from each successful closing deal. Some states would allow various commission percentages between real estate companies and agents. There is a possibility of Adams offers less commission to its agents than Fitch to keep a competitive revenue.

    The second statement also lacked consideration of the selling period. The homeowner was listed his or her home with Fitch, however, the housing market always vary due to the different period. During the Subprime mortgage crisis in 2008, in the real estate market, the buyers have much demanded than sellers. Buyers either wait for the lowest period or try to find a way to get sufficient loans to pay for the house. Low demanding and longer mortgage process usually would hold off the closing home date of the selling process. Ten years later, the home price in major cities in California become unaffordable. Especially those properties near high-tech companies usually received more than ten buying offers. Many of the buyers are offering at least ten percent up of the listed price or bidding without mortgage and contingency. By comparing the housing closing speed in 2008 and 2018, the market-determined the speed of selling; the difference from the various real estate would not be noticeable.

    The homeowner fails to consider all possibilities of Fitch appeal disadvantage than Adam. Like comparing sprinters with marathoners, it would be lost its fairness to compare something similar but virtual in totally different. Without getting more explanation from the homeowner, the statement of “Adams Realty is superior” is simply acclaim from a happy client.

    January 10, 2021 at 8:08 pm

    Score: ungraded


    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 110 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    January 10, 2021 at 8:09 pm

    Please add my WeChat account and remind me of sending you the screenshot reviews. Thanks.