The following letter is from a group of Linford College alumni to the chair of the art department at the college.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing The following letter is from a group of Linford College alumni to the chair of the art department at the college.

  • dodoup
    University: Hohai university
    Nationality: China
    January 10, 2021 at 2:38 pm

    The following letter is from a group of Linford College alumni to the chair of the art department at the college.

    “In a recent survey of college graduates, 90 percent agreed that participating in an internship increased their chances of finding a job after graduation, but last year, only 40 percent of Linford’s graduating art students had completed an internship. Skyway Designs, located in nearby Linford City, is the perfect company for students to intern with for a number of reasons: They offer internships in all of their departments, so every student is sure to find work that they are interested in. Additionally, their internships offer flexible working hours. Finally, Skyway Designs is known for being one of the best in the design business, as over 80 percent of businesses in Linford City have used the services of Skyway Designs for their design needs. Given the vital role that work experience plays in a student’s success after graduation, we recommend that our art department require all art students to complete an internship with Skyway Designs before graduation.”

    Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

    It seems that , at first sight, the author’s reasoning is logical to lead to the proposal that our department should require all art students to complete an internship with Skyway Designs before graduation. However, I think we should reconsider this suggestion from the following several aspects.

    Obviously, the author indicates that Skyway Designs is a good choice for students to have a internship; but he does not pay attention to the treatment after students starting a job formally. There is a possibility that workers are not content with the salary after their entries to the company, which may leads to students refusing to start their internship in Skyway Designs.
    Moreover, a company is bound to have a list of qualifications and requirements for its interns, and the students may not meet their requirements. So some people may not be able to find a corresponding internship.

    Then, the author points out that Skyway Designs is known for being one of the best in the design business because of the wide use of their design services, over 80 percent. I think the author mistakes the standard of the best business. The number of users can only represent the wide audience of the design service, but cannot represent its quality is the best. Perhaps compared with other design companies Skyway Designs provide services with lower prices, which are preferred by cooperators. Thus, most businesses choose their products.

    Last but not the least, the ultimate purpose of having a good internship is for students to find jobs after graduation, while compulsory internship may bring pressure to students, which may lead to a tight time to finish the graduation project. Also, the compulsory requirement is aimed at art students, which is not proper for them. The audience of the action is too narrow that the effect will not be obvious.

    To sum up, the problems mentioned above are not exhaustive; however, these give us reason to reconsider reasonability of the proposal.

     

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 10, 2021 at 7:19 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    dodoup
    University: Hohai university
    Nationality: China
    January 11, 2021 at 10:56 am

    It seems that, at first sight, the author’s reasoning is logical to lead to the proposal that our department should require all art students to complete an internship with Skyway Designs before graduation. However, it is easy to find that the conclusion is unreasonable reconsidering this from the following several aspects.

    The author indicates that Skyway Designs is a suitable choice for students to have an internship; there is a possibility that workers are not content with the salary after their entries to the company, which may lead to students refusing to start their internship in Skyway Designs.
    Moreover, a company is bound to have a list of qualifications and requirements for its interns, and the students may not meet their qualifications. So some people may not be able to find an apt internship.

    The author then points out that Skyway Designs is known for being one of the best in the design business because of the wide use of their design services, over 80 percent. I think the author mistakes the standard of the best corporation. The number of users can only represent the extensive audience of the design service, but cannot represent its quality. Perhaps compared with other design companies, Skyway Designs provide lower prices, which are preferred by cooperators. Thus, most businesses choose their products.

    Last but not least, the ultimate purpose of having an internship is for students to find jobs after graduation, while compulsory internship may bring pressure to students, which may lead to a tight time to finish the graduation project. Also, the requirement is targeted at art students, which is not proper for them. The audience of the action is too narrow that the effect will not be predominant.
    To sum up, the problems mentioned above are not exhaustive; however, these give us reason to reconsider reliability of the proposal.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 11, 2021 at 10:36 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 
    3. Most sentences are verbose and unclear.

    It seems that, at first sight, the [ The ]author’s reasoning is[appears to be  ] logical (to lead to the proposal)[unclear  ] that (our department)[ ? ] should require all art students to complete an internship with Skyway Designs before graduation. However, it is easy to find that the conclusion is unreasonable reconsidering this[ unclear pronoun ] from the following several aspects[unclear/summarize in your thesis  ].

    The author indicates that Skyway Designs is a suitable choice for students to have an internship; there is a possibility that workers are not content with the salary after their entries to the company, which may lead to students refusing to start their internship in Skyway Designs.
    Moreover, a company is bound to have a list of qualifications and requirements for its interns, and the students may not meet their qualifications. So some people may not be able to find an apt internship.

    The author then points out that Skyway Designs is known for being one of the best in the design business because of the wide use of their design services, over 80 percent. I think the author mistakes the standard of the best corporation. The number of users can only represent the extensive audience of the design service, but cannot represent its quality. Perhaps compared with other design companies, Skyway Designs provide lower prices, which are preferred by cooperators. Thus, most businesses choose their products.

    Last but not least, the ultimate purpose of having an internship is for students to find jobs after graduation, while compulsory internship may bring pressure to students, which may lead to a tight time to finish the graduation project. Also, the requirement is targeted at art students, which is not proper for them. The audience of the action is too narrow that the effect will not be predominant.
    To sum up, the problems mentioned above are not exhaustive; however, these give us reason to reconsider reliability of the proposal.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 11, 2021 at 10:43 pm

    Partial revision. Most sentences are verbose and unclear.

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