The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

  • LIUshimeng
    University: Jilin agriculture university
    Nationality: China
    June 1, 2020 at 2:14 pm

    The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

    The line graph compares the consumption of fish and meat in Europe over a period of 25 years.

    It is clear that Fish account for lowest amount of everyone’s diet over the period shown. Chicken rose continuously from 1979 to 2004.

    In 1979, beef was the main food in Europe, generating around 220 grams per person per week. In the daily diet of Europeans, the supply of fish is the least. Chicken and lamb stations provided about 150 grams for persons in a week, and 10 years later, chicken overtook beef as the primary source of daily diet.

    Between 1979 and 2004, the supply of chicken continues to increase, by contrast, the per capita consumption data of beef feel to only 110 grams for the rest of the period. The per capita consumption weight of Lamb also decreased year by year, which was close to that of fish in 2004. And fish consumption remained relatively stable, at around 50 grams for the whole 25-year period.

    June 1, 2020 at 10:36 pm

     

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 80% of the sentences lack transitory words.

    I will send you screenshots via WeChat to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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