The more money a person has, the more he or she should give away to the charities.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The more money a person has, the more he or she should give away to the charities.

  • meowy
    University: Hohai university
    Nationality: China
    August 12, 2020 at 7:05 pm

    The more money a person has, the more he or she should give away to the charities.

    Some people claim that wealthy people’ choice that whether they donate their money to the charities should be given due respect because their private thoughts are not supposed to be distracted by others. But in fact, as persons who have more responsibility for undertaking the social duty, I believe they have the obligation to allocate some of their own wealth to help people who are extremely poor out.

    Firstly, it’s probably beneficial to tackle poverty problems especially in rural areas due to the lack of diverse methods of transportation. My uncle, an entrepreneur who have his own clothing business for around 10 years in our city, exude wealth wherever he goes. However, he is always committed to donating a few parts of his properties to his hometown, a small village in southeast in China and gives his hand to construct the infrastructure of village such as roads with cement surface, bringing to native villagers a sense of comfort and happiness.

    Secondly, the benefits also include the growing reputation of a company. In other words, a leader who has willingness to seek for the donation exhibit personal attitude to undertake more duties to optimize the society. The stock value of the Micro software is always gaining momentum during last decades as a result of Bill Gates’ dedication to the humanitarian initiatives in part.

    Last, but not least, the surging of volunteer activities like contribution to the charities would bring more energy and positive inspiration to the public which could be in favor of establishing the awareness of helping people who really needs help. In our community, people who have given away money to the local charities can be rewarded a certificate as an intrinsic spur capable of provoking more members to help each other.

    Therefore, we can safely conclude that persons who have more money have obligation to dedicate more to the society because of these motivation to our world.

    August 12, 2020 at 10:43 pm

    Score: 46

    Issues:

    1. Almost all sentences have one or more error(s). Rewrite your essay.
    2. About 90% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    3. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.