The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people.

  • Youngster Y
    University: Amoy University
    Nationality: Amoy University
    November 29, 2019 at 2:17 am

    The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people.

    It is hard to deny that the old live with teenagers every day. This might lead impressionable people to generate the idea that old people have more influence on the youngsters compares to famous people. However, this statement suffered from both logical and factual fallacies that it should be analyzed meticulously. As far as children like to chasing stars and technology development are concerned, I strongly hold that the opinions of celebrities have more important influence on younger people than  older people.

    Firstly, young people like chasing stars makes it easier for them to take celebrities’ views into consideration. Young children are in the process of learning things, so they are easily attracted by people who have good- looking appearances or gorgeous words. So they might model after their idols’ behaviors without too many thoughts. For instance, teenagers like watching the Running Man, which is a famous TV show about exercise and competition in sports. One of my relative’s kids loves to watch this show that he waited in front of the television every Friday night looking forward to see his favorite athlete. Then he imitated the athlete’s dressing styles and ways that he spoke. There is no difficulty to see how much influence the famous people gave him.

    What’s more, the development of technology increases the exposures of the famous and makes youngsters accept their opinions conveniently. Celebrities’ interviews  can be seen from a cellphone or laptop  at any time because of improvement of the Internet and equipment. Children also spent more time with  facilities nowadays.  Use my cousin, a six-year-old lovely girl, as an example to illustrate this. She likes to use cellphone to listen to the radio. She learned some new knowledge about pharmacy from her favorite host which impressed her parents a lot.

    By way of conclusion, I do agree that young people are influenced more by celebrities than by the old. Because of the willing of the young to model after the celebrity and improvement of the technology, the young will definitely weigh the famous’ thoughts more than the old do.

    Youngster Y
    University: Amoy University
    Nationality: Amoy University
    December 19, 2019 at 5:31 pm

    December 19, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    Score: 50.9

    Issues:

    1. Numerous grammatical errors;
    2. More than 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    3. Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.