The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people.

It is undeniable that nowadays people tend to pay attention to celebrities’ opinions[ zero-conditional ]. Some people contend that the opinions of celebrities are more important to younger people than they are to older people[ repetition of the topic ]. I strongly agree with this opinion, especially when people’s age and the influence of social media are taken into consideration.

First, younger generations are more likely to be affected by celebrities compared[misplaced  ] to older people. [choppy  ]This is because many of those young people are now still juveniles and their opinions and values have not been entrenched yet. They tend to pay more attention to popular entertainers and athletes that they admire. [ choppy ]This is because they think famous people can offer some valuable insights to them, and the ways suggested by celebrities are worth trying. By contrast, older people are more mature in general, and they have a mind of their own. They[unclear pronoun  ] will probably ignore the opinions that famous people hold and stick to their own ideas.

Second, social medias [spelling error  ]like Instagram and Facebook assert more influence on younger people than on older people. Nowadays young people immerse themselves in social media[zero-conditional  ] to know about celebrities’ views and thoughts for hours every day. And studies have shown that people may be affected more by the information on social media if they are exposed to them more[  grammatical error -subjunctive]. By contrast, since older people have little[wrong word  ] chances to get in touch with celebrities’ ideas for less time they[unclear pronoun  ] spend on social media, their opinions are less significant than to younger people. One example for[/of  ] this is that we can easily see a great number of students gather together online in a group chat or website discussing about[redundant  ] certain celebrities’ statements for long hours[  punctuation error] but few of them are adults or even older people.

Final Revision

It is a common phenomenon that nowadays (Nowadays,) people tend to pay more attention than ever to celebrities’ opinions. Some people contend that the views of celebrities are more significant to younger generations than they are to older people. I strongly agree with this opinion, especially when people’s age and social media influence are taken into consideration.

First, compared to older people, younger generations are more likely to be affected (influenced) by celebrities. This is because many of those (delete) young people are now (delete) still juveniles (developing), and (so) their opinions and values have not been fully entrenched yet. So, they may think famous people can offer some valuable insights to them. (simplify this and add it to the previous sentences) The ways suggested by celebrities (Celebrities’ habits) in terms of food, clothes, and even important decisions in life (important life decisions) like a career path are worth trying for young people. By contrast, older people are more mature in general (delete), and they have a mind of their own. Consequently, the (delete) older generations will probably (likely) ignore the opinions that famous people hold (of famous people) and stick to their ideas.

Second, social media like Instagram and Facebook assert (exert) more influence on younger people than on older people. Nowadays, young people immerse themselves in social media to know about celebrities’ views and thoughts for hours every day. And (delete) studies have shown that as people would be affected more by the information on social media if they were exposed to them more (spend more time on social media, they become more and more influenced by social media). By contrast, since older people have little chance to get in touch with celebrities’ ideas for less time the old spend on social media (delete), their opinions are less significant than to (impacted compared to) younger people. One example of this is that we can easily see (For example,) a great number of students gather together online discussing (to discuss) certain celebrities’ statements for long (many) hours. However, few of them are adults or even older people.

In conclusion, celebrities’ views are more valuable to younger people than they are to older people (add some more information here, summarize shortly your strong arguments above).