At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

  • Kiddding
    University: Shanghai Jiaotong University
    Nationality: China
    March 5, 2020 at 3:25 pm

    At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

    Nowadays, the world is experiencing a new round of population growing. Since the new “baby booming” happened around the world after entering the new century, the young adults form the main part of some countries’ population. This phenomenon can definitely have negative effects as followings:

    The suddenly gorwth of population of young adults leads to the poor education. The booming of the young always take place in developing countries. That means they are always poor educated because of the lack of relatively resources. in this situation, although they provide a huge labour resource to the country, but with low quality. The less trained labour is harmful to the health of economy in the long run.

    The additional problem that the countries face is the lack of national resources. meeting the need of young adult acquire a variety of infrastructural facilities, especially schools and hospitals. But a developing country’s finance system can’t provide such a big amount of facilities. This problem can cause really severe social conflicts.

    We should take the older problem into consider as well. The large amount of young adults well ultimately turn into the old in 50 years. The large population can bring big pressure to their children as well as the hospital system. Actually, it is what happening in countries like China which was benefited by the margin of population booming. The old who were young adults half a century before is smashing the original social structure.

    In conclusion, the large part of young adults brings more disadvantage to the countries than advantage. The world should be alarmed and take measures to prevent this circumstance form harming the international society.

     

    March 10, 2020 at 1:16 am

    Score: 59.2

    Issues:

    1. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.