Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • zxzpszhu
    University: Northeast Agricultural University
    Nationality: Northeast Agricultural University
    February 5, 2020 at 3:36 pm

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Nowadays, some people find that it is difficult for young people to live in the society because of the increasing price of the house and relatively low salary. So, some people claim that the rules are too strict. But I believe the rules are not seriously strict.

    Admittedly, some young people may find the live pressure is getting heavier and heavier. They cannot buy a house, cannot afford the education, and also cannot afford the medical treatment when ill badly. If they want to get these, they need to get a well-paid job. But these jobs require them to have higher degrees and talents. So, some young people are trapped. However, these problems are being handled. The government is putting efforts to reduce the price of the house and spares more finance to support some people when they cannot afford their education and medical treatment. For example, my classmate, Jack, comes from a poor family and his parents are both farmers. He used to worry about his tuition. Now, the government puts in place a policy that the banks can provide loans for the students who cannot afford their education. He can use the money to pay for the tuition and just need to return the money to the bank in the following five years.

    Secondly, young people now have more freedom, especially the young women, than they did in the past. The women in the past were never allowed to get education and they just needed to learn what to cook, how to weave and how to keep the children. They were confined by the family. However, everything changes today. They can get education, get married freely, vote to select the president and do everything they want. Of course, there are more opportunities for young people nowadays, not just for young women. Many young people from the poor family can also get educated and then find a well-paid job to support the family. They can change their fate through their own efforts.

    February 5, 2020 at 5:13 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words;
    2. Nearly 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them;
    3. Nearly 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.