The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Statistics show that the number of graduates who apply for government [ unclear ]represents a constant upward trend, meaning that more young people begin to consider sitting in an office as their future work. Undoubtedly, encouraging students to work at a position without much flexibility could contribute to social stability[ needs evidence to justify ]. This[ unclear pronoun/change to a noun/noun phrase ] may be too cruel for young people to accept. Since the [article error  ]competition for a good job is always far too fierce, I think the rules of our society are too strict for the young generation to follow and obey[ repetition from the essay from the prompt ] in many aspects.

Nowadays, a promising future of graduates has become joining[ grammatical error/unclear sentence ] in [ grammatical error ]the government and having a life without any risk rather than building up[preposition error  ] one’s own company[ lengthy/unclear sentence ]. Most of the time, the content of these jobs[info not mentioned in prior part  ] is about editing government documents, which may have nothing to do with the students’ majors, especially those who focus on STEM[ lengthy/unclear sentence ]. It[unclear pronoun  ] is too strict for the youngsters to follow and obey[ repetition ]. Stepping freshly from the university[unclear expression  ], the [ article error ]graduates are filled with passion to[incorrect word  ] achieve their dreams about the future[ lengthy/unclear sentence ]. Asking them to abandon what they’ve dreamed of for a long time without trying at the beginning[ subject too long ] is just too cruel and impractical. Taking Bill Gates as an example, [ punctuation error ]he quit school to establish his[a  ] technology company out of his huge enthusiasm for computer science. And[ punctuation error with conjunction word ] finally he did work it[ unclear pronoun ] out and set up Microsoft, one of the most famous giants[ unclear ] in the world now.

In addition, for those young people who desire to break the rules, most of them join the internet companies like Tencent, Alibaba, [ grammatical error ]Huawei[ factual-error sentence ]. Their working environment [ noun form error ]still has some serious problems. Compared to government clerks, employees working in IT[ factual error ] are more likely to suffer from stress-induced diseases. Specifically, they faced[grammatical error  ] with[ preposition error ] excessive work, which means that their work requires a lot of effort and has to de[spelling error/structural issue  ] done before a certain[word choice issue  ] date. What’s more, though these occupations have a much higher salary standard than government positions, their[unclear pronoun  ] new employees are afraid of being dismissed after 35 years old. It[ unclear pronoun ] is because the [article error  ]company managers believe that employing several rookies is more profitable than an expert. The awful working environment damages the beautiful dream of the young generation towards future[ article/factual error ].

In conclusion, I strongly agree that the rules demanding youngsters to follow and obey[ repetition ] are too strict. Whether the graduates choose to cater to the [ article error ]traditional expectation or not, the hard way they will meet is an inescapable fact[ unclear sentence ].