The university will spend money on a dormitory to improve the life quality of students, which of the following do you think is the best way?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing The university will spend money on a dormitory to improve the life quality of students, which of the following do you think is the best way?

  • DACAITOU
    University: Peking University
    Nationality: China
    October 19, 2020 at 5:26 pm

    The university will spend money on a dormitory to improve the life quality of students, which of the following do you think is the best way? 1. Providing a room for quiet study; 2. Building an exercise room; 3. providing entertainment place (watch film).

    Building up facilities to raise students’ life quality is one of the essential aspects that universities always follow. Some people advise that offering a quiet study room is much better than building an exercising place or entertainment place. However, I believe an exercise room is much beneficial.

    First off, an exercise room helps students get relaxed. College students always are occupied with lots of learning assignments, if there is an exercise room in the dormitory, they would be able to take exercise conveniently. A certain amount of physical activity can help them release pressure. For example, when we jog on the treadmill, we can concentrate on running itself and forget heavy studying tasks momently. Besides, doing exercise can make the body warming up, facilitate blood circuiting and dopamine secreting, which are conducive to unwind physiologically.

    Moreover, students can easily make friends in an exercise room. Going to a place where have lots of people may contribute to us to make friends. When we go to the gym, there are many schoolmates and fitness trainers, so we have plenty of opportunities to make new contacts. Of course, it does not mean that we go to this place out of forming a new friendship. Inevitably, we sometimes need help from others when we do not know how to use work-out equipment, and vice versa.

    Admittedly, the study room and entertainment place also have their advantages. But learning in the study room is sedentary, which poses a threat to students’ health. And the entertainment room also has the risk of making students overly obsessed with games. So, providing an exercising place is the most advisable choice because it not only has quite a little benefits but also has no significant flaws.

    To sum up, with conspicuous merits the exercising room has, helping reduce stress and facilitating establishing a new friendship, it should be the best option for the investment.

    October 21, 2020 at 3:20 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Word choice errors
    2. State your argument clearly in your introduction and provide some supporting reasoning
    3. Simplify language

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    DACAITOU
    University: Peking University
    Nationality: China
    October 22, 2020 at 3:29 am

    At university, there are some divergences about which functional room should be built up in the dormitory to improve the life quality of students. Some people suggest that a study room would be better than an exercise or entertainment place, but I prefer to the exercise room.

    First off, an exercise room helps students get relaxed. When engaging in exercise, we can forget the worries about exams, jobs, and so on. Besides, a certain amount of movement helps us stretch muscles and warm up bodies, which makes us unwind physically and healthier. If there is a convenient exercise room in the dormitory, students could work out there no matter how late they come back from libraries or labs. They can just put on sneakers and take a run on treadmills, or do some other movements.

    Moreover, an exercise room is a good place for students to expand their circle of friends. Take me for example. I made a few new friends in school gyms, they are fitness coaches and students from other majors. When I do not know how to use some work-out equipment, a fitness coach will do me a favor. And when I take a break in practicing Pilates, some partners will talk with me. Naturally, I made acquaintance with many others in the exercise room.

    Admittedly, the study room and entertainment place also have their advantages. A quiet study room serves students a comfortable place to read books, and an entertainment place helps students relieve their pressure by offering interesting movies. But they have drawbacks as well. Learning in the study room is sedentary, which poses a threat to students’ health. And projecting movies may cause some noise, bring disturbances to students who want to sleep.

    To sum up, building an exercising room should be the best option, for it helps students get relaxed and make friends, and have no significant flaws.

    October 25, 2020 at 12:15 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.