The chart below shows the value of one country’s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of experts in 2016 compared with 2015.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing The chart below shows the value of one country’s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of experts in 2016 compared with 2015.

  • Emmanuelle
    University: 南开大学
    Nationality: 中国
    July 10, 2019 at 11:00 am

    As the world factory, China exports products in various categories.

    IELTS Writing Topic: The chart below shows the value of one country’s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of experts in 2016 compared with 2015.

    The bar chart illustrates the value of export earnings in five categories and the table shows the percentage of changes in value during 2015 and 2016.

    In general, what stands out from the graphs is that there was an increasing trend in the value of petroleum products, engineered goods, agricultural products and textiles, while that of germs and jewellery saw a decrease. Also, petroleum products take up the largest part in export earnings and that of the textiles accounts for the least.

    According to the pie chart, we can find that petroleum products and engineered goods were the most important part of the total export earnings, with changes of 3% and 8.5% respectively. However, there was greatest change in the value of export earnings for textiles, with 15.24 percentage, almost twice that of the second largest— engineered goods, more than five times of that of the petroleum products. The value of export earnings of agricultural products remained almost stable at 32 billion dollar, with only 0.81% increase.

    In contrast, the value of germs and jewellery exporting dropped to approximately 41 billion dollar, with a 5.18% decreasing. This element takes up nearly one fifth of the total export earnings.

    July 10, 2019 at 9:32 pm

    Score: 58.7

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    • Keep tense in consistency.

    Problems Highlight

    The bar chart illustrates the value of export earnings in five categories[Punctuation Error] and the table shows the percentage of changes in value during 2015 and 2016.

    In general, what stands out from the graphs is that there was an increasing trend in the value of petroleum products, engineered goods, agricultural products and textiles, while that[unclear pronoun] of germs and jewellery saw a decrease.[Verbose] Also, petroleum products take up the largest part in export earnings [Punctuation Error]and that [unclear pronoun] of the textiles accounts for the least.

    According to the pie chart, (we can find that)[Redundant] petroleum products and engineered goods were the most important part of the total export earnings, with changes of 3% and 8.5% [punctuation error]respectively. [Verbose]However, there was[Article Error] greatest change in the value of export earnings for textiles, with 15.24 percentage, almost twice that of the second largest— engineered goods, more than five times of that of the petroleum products. [Verbose]The value of export earnings of agricultural products remained almost stable at 32 billion dollar[Word Form Error], with only 0.81% increase.

    In contrast, the value of germs and jewellery exporting dropped to approximately 41 billion dollar[Word Form Error], with a 5.18% decreasing. This element takes up nearly one fifth [Conventions Error]of the total export earnings.

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

    Emmanuelle
    University: 南开大学
    Nationality: 中国
    July 11, 2019 at 2:17 am

    I have three questions about the correction.

    1.Does the “punctuality error” means lack of a “,”?

    2. I want some advice on the logic to organize this essay. (Book 14 Test 2 Task 1)

    3.In terms of [unclear pronoun], ‘that of’ means ‘the value of’, is there anyone know how to correct it?

    Thx!!!

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