To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors

Score: 57.7 [19-21 for TOEFL; 5.5 for IELTS]

Suggestions for Improvement

1. Shorten essay to -320 words;
2. Restrict each paragraph to 85 words;
3. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
4. Covert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts.

Problems Highlight

A heated debate has enlivened recent discussion on the field of education, the question people concern on is that: whether a university pays professor more revenue is a good way to promote the quality of education? [long, hard-to-read]Answers vary from person to another. Some people support that increasing professor’s salary is essential to education, while others view it on the opposite perspective. [long, hard-toread]As far as I concerned, adding more money to professors is a good way to improve teaching career. My reasons and experiences are given [Passive Voice] as follows.

To begin with, increasing wages for professors makes [Grammatial/logical Error]them focus on education and research easily [Problematic/unnecessary adverb]. As we all known[Grammatial Error], people need to make a living for their life, and it is the same with professors in[Article Error] university. If giving more money to them, they would quit the part-time job, which aim [Grammatical Error] at earn [Grammatical Error]more money to have [Article Error] better life or find money to pay for their research programs. [long, hard-to-read] Then they pay more attention to their classes that the professors teaching and their expertise that professors work on. A teacher, teaching biology in our university, had to make extra money to rent an apartment, because his salaries paid by [Article Error] university were too little to rent a good place to live. [long, hard-to-read]Moreover, as lack of money, he also collaborated with a company to funding [Grammatical Error]his research of his microbial organism field station program, in return, he spent time working on [Article Error] company.[long, hard-to read] Consequently, this situation distracted his energy to teach his students.

Furthermore, giving professors more paycheck helps to reduce the heavy stress of being a teacher. On the one hand, they have more money to travel after teaching, especially they are facing burdensome in university. My art teacher, who has a high salary, always show us the place he visited before, and encouraged us that traveling [Spelling Error]is a good way to rest ourselves. On the other hand, professors could let them pay more money to his students, who choses [Article Error] them as instructors. As classmate’s experience, their instructor, who was paid by[Passive Voice] more money, gave some part of wages to buy specific books for her, which are deficient in university library but essential to her research. [long, hard-to-read]

Admittedly, with higher salaries, perhaps some teachers might set the education aside to just [Problematic/unnecessary adverb]. enjoy the rich life and make them pay more attention to wear luxury things, such as golden necklaces, jewelries and so on. [long, hard-to-read]Whereas, with the train ethical courses and academic thoughts offering to professors, the above problems might be solved[Passive Voice] in future. [long, hard-to-read]

To put it in a nutshell, regardless the minor drawbacks, spending more money to professors’ is a good way to promote the education quality, as teachers could have a better life condition and research condition.[long, hard-to read] Besides, they could reduce pressures freely [Problematic/unnecessary adverb].and do their students a favor with the extra money.

Comment: There are more issues than those highlighted; you need to rewrite and re-upload your essay. 

Score: 64.6

Problems Highlight

A heated debate has enlivened [Article Error]recent discussion on the field of education. Whether a university shall pay professors more revenues to improve the quality of education? Answers vary from person to another [Wrong choice of word]. Some people support to increase professors’ salaries, while others view it on the opposite. As far as I concerned, adding more money for professors is a good way to improve the quality of teaching. My reasons and experiences are as follows.

To begin with, raising [Article Error]paycheck helps professors focus on education and research. As we all know, people need to make a living for their life. Professors are in the same boat. If giving more money to them, they would quit part-time jobs. Then they’ll have more attention and energy to their classes and their expertise. A teacher, teaching biology in our university, had to make extra money to rent an apartment. Moreover, he also worked for a company to fund his[Article Error] research of his field station program.

Furthermore, giving professors more paycheck helps to reduce the heavy stress of being a teacher. On the one hand, when they are facing burdensome in university, they have more money to travel. My art teacher, who always complained [Grammatical Error] his overburden assignments but has a high salary, encouraged us that travelling was a good way to rest ourselves. [Long, hard-to-read sentence] On the other hand, professors could pay more money to care about students’ study. As my classmate’s experience, her instructor, who obtained more money, gave some part of wages to buy specific books for her.

Admittedly, with higher salaries, some teachers might set education aside and enjoy [Article Error]rich life. Whereas, with the ethical courses and academic thoughts offering to professors, [Article Error]advantages of raising payment outweigh those minor drawbacks. [Long, hard-to-read sentence]

To put it in a nutshell, spending more money to professors is a good approach to promote the[Article Error] education quality. Teachers could have a better life condition and research condition. Besides, they could reduce pressures and do their students a favor with the extra money.

Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Rewrite and re-upload your essay.

Score: 61.7

Problems Highlight

With the {incredible process?} of society, {the heated debate has enlivened[Article Error] recent discussion on education MAKING NO SENSE?}, whether a university shall[Grammatical Error] pay professors more (revenues?) to improve the quality of education{? Grammatical Error}Answers vary from person to person. Some people (support to?) increase professors’ salaries, while others view it {on the opposite?)}. As far as I concerned, {adding more money for?} professors is a good way to improve the quality of teaching. {My reasons and experiences are as follows. [This is stupid writing; be specific)}

To begin with, a higher paycheck helps professors focus on education and research. As we all know[Redundant], people need to make a living for their life[Redundant]. Professors are in the same boat[Inappropriate Idiom]. If giving more money to them[Grammatical Error] , they would quit part-time jobs. Then they’ll have[Wrong choice of word] more attention and energy to their classes and their expertise. A teacher, teaching biology in our university[Bad writing], had to make extra money to rent an apartment. Moreover, he also worked for a company to fund the research of [Article Error]field station program.?

Furthermore, giving professors more paycheck helps to reduce the heavy stress of being a teacher. On the one hand, when they are facing burdensome in university, they have more money to travel. My art teacher, who always complained of overburden assignments, wished to release pressure by travelling around. On the other hand, professors could pay more money to care about students’ study. As my classmate’s experience, her instructor, who obtained more money, gave some part of wages to buy specific books for her.

Admittedly, with higher salaries, some teachers might set education aside and enjoy a rich life. Whereas, those minor drawbacks might disappear gradually,[Punctuation Error] if universities offer ethical courses and academic thoughts to professors.

To put it in a nutshell, spending more money to professors is a good approach to promote education quality. Teachers could have a better life condition and research condition. Besides, they could reduce pressures and do their students a favor with the extra money.

Comment: All sentences are problematic. I only highlighted the first two paragraphs. You need to read English literature to improve your language sense. It will also benefit you to use audiobook during the course of your literature reading. 

Score: 63

Problems Highlight

In [Article Error] fast-paced and open modern life, people’s education comes with higher and higher quality[hard to understand]. Even in this case, people still urge to improve their education by all means[grammatical error] . Gradually, many people propagate to improve teaching by paying more money to professors. As a big fan of this idea, I think that a higher salary for [Article Error]professor is a [Article Error]essential way to promote the quality of education.

Undeniably, paying professors more money[Redundant] is more likely to make professors enjoy an affluent life rather than do research. We can image a professor abandon his research and show off his rich life. People are willing to enjoy the present moment than to make [Article Error] promotion. The professors are in the same boat[wrong usage]. It is reasonable to cast doubts on this proposal.

However, a higher paycheck does help professors focus on education and research in some cases, especially in the instance that professors have little money to rent a comfortable apartment.[Verbose Sentence]. In our university, I have ever heard that a professor lived in [Article Error] 35 square meters house and ride[grammatical error] his broken bike to class. Moreover, he also worked for a company to fund the research of his field station program, [hard to understand]which completely distracted his energy and concentration.

More importantly, a higher paycheck caters to reduce the heavy stress of being a teacher. On the one hand, teachers dream to [grammatical error]travel [grammatical error]to release pressure. For example, once my art teacher had an overburden mission in a month, and he wished to travel around for a while. But without enough money, he gave it up, which made him really upside [Wrong word]. On the other hand, instructors spend the [article error] extra money to [preposition error]organize student activities. Students balance the relation [Redundant] between study and entertainment. With more money, instructors avoid suffering from the pressure of funding shortage. Meanwhile, students could also benefit from this policy.

To put it in a nutshell, giving [article error]higher salary to professors is a good approach to promote education quality. Teachers could have a better life condition [Word Form Error] and research condition[Word Form Error] . Besides, they could reduce pressures [Word Form Error] and do their students a favor with the extra money.

Comment: Rewrite and re-upload your essay. 

Score: 60.9