TOEFL writing-TPO 54 Integrated Writing
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March 19, 2021 at 2:24 am
The reading passage presents three solutions to control salt level in the Salton Sea. However, the lecture claims that these solutions all have problems and are impossible to avoid salinity from increasing.
First, the article contends that the special desalination facilities which separate salt from water can be utilized to reduce salinity of the lake’s water. However, the lecture points out that other chemical components will be introduced into water during the desalination process, which is a high risk to human health.
Second, the reading material proposes another possible solution that bringing ocean water into the lake through pipelines or canals would decrease the lake’s salinity since water in the Pacific Ocean is 20 percent less salty than water in the lake. But the professor attacks this idea because bringing ocean water into the lake needs long distance pipelines and the government cannot afford the major construction.
Third, the writer states that dividing the lake into several sections by constructing walls and controlling them separately would help. To be specific, allow salinity in the small sections to increase and reduce salinity in the main section by combining freshwater. The lecture also questions this solution by stating that the walls may be broken by some accidents such as earthquakes, so that the high salinity water in the small sections will flow back into the main sections.
用e-rater批改修正后的版本
March 21, 2021 at 2:12 amScore: ungraded
Issues:
- About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
- About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
March 23, 2021 at 1:51 amThe reading passage presents three solutions to control salt level in the Salton Sea. However, the lecture claims that these solutions all have problems and are impossible to avoid salinity from increasing.
First, the article contends that one solution is to remove salt from the lake’s water by utilizing special desalination facilities However, the lecture points out that the desalination process will introduce other chemical components into water , which is a high risk to human health.
Second, the reading material proposes that bringing ocean water into the lake through pipelines or canals would decrease the lake’s salinity since water in the Pacific Ocean is 20 percent less salty than water in the lake. But the professor attacks this idea because bringing ocean water into the lake needs long distance pipelines and the government cannot afford the major construction.
Third, the writer states that dividing the lake into several sections by constructing walls and controlling them separately would help. To be specific, allowing salinity in the small sections to increase and reducing salinity in the main section by combining freshwater would control the lake’s salinity. The lecture also questions this solution by stating that some accidents, such as earthquakes, may break the walls, so that the high salinity water in the small sections will flow back into the main sections, resulting in the failure of salinity control.
March 23, 2021 at 8:43 pmInvalid [Complete the revision of one essay prior to submitting another one.]
March 24, 2021 at 7:44 amThe reading passage presents three solutions to control salt level in the Salton Sea. However, the lecture claims that these solutions all have problems and are impossible to avoid salinity from increasing.
First, the article contends that one solution is to remove salt from the lake’s water by utilizing special desalination facilities. However, the lecture points out that the desalination process will introduce other chemical components into water, which is a high risk to human health.
Second, the reading material proposes that bringing ocean water into the lake through pipelines or canals would decrease the lake’s salinity since water in the Pacific Ocean is 20 percent less salty than water in the lake. But the professor attacks this idea because bringing ocean water into the lake needs long distance pipelines. However, the government cannot afford the major construction.
Third, the writer states that dividing the lake into several sections by constructing walls and controlling them separately would help. To be specific, allowing salinity in the small sections to increase and reducing salinity in the main section by combining freshwater. The lecture also questions this solution by stating that some accidents, such as earthquakes, may break the walls. So that the high salinity water in the small sections will flow back into the main sections, resulting in the failure.
I have already changed the passive voice and long sentences. Please tell me if there are any problems. Thanks for your time!!
March 24, 2021 at 9:43 pmThe reading passage presents three solutions to (control[controlling ] salt level in the Salton Sea)[confusing; learn how to use solution ] . However, the lecture claims that these solutions all[ redundant ] have problems and (are[unparalled ] impossible to avoid[ wrong word ] )[ logical confusion ] salinity from increasing.
First, the article contends that one solution is to remove salt from the lake’s water by utilizing[/implementing ] special desalination facilities. (However, the lecture points out)[confusion ] that the desalination process will introduce other chemical components into[article error ] water, which is[/poses ] a high risk to human health.
Second, the reading material proposes that bringing ocean water into the lake through pipelines or canals would[grammatical error ] decrease the lake’s salinity since water in the Pacific Ocean is 20 percent less salty than water in the lake. But the professor attacks[refutes ] this idea
because[by arguing that ] bringing ocean water into the lake needs (long distance)[spelling error ] pipelines. However, the government cannot afford the major construction.Third, the writer states that dividing the lake into several sections by constructing walls and controlling them separately would help. (To be specific, allowing salinity in the small sections to increase and reducing salinity in the main section by combining freshwater)[ grammatical error ] . The lecture also questions this solution by stating that some accidents, such as earthquakes, may break the walls. So that[ grammatical error ] the[ article error ] high salinity water in the small sections will flow back into the main sections, resulting in the failure.
