TPO 55 comprehensive writing

  • Melanie
    University: Shanghai Lixin College of accounting and Finance
    Nationality: Chinese
    November 24, 2020 at 3:04 am

    Whether the box-shaped device will be successful in fighting against desertification is the focus of both the reading passage and the speaker. In the reading, three disadvantages, including being unaffordable, the difficulty to motivate local people, and the limited ability, have been elaborated. The speaker, however, claims that all these assumptions are not convincing.

    As opposed to the reading’s first idea that some countries most affected by desertification can not afford to buy devices for millions of trees, the speaker claims that you do not purchase so many devices for each tree, because they could be reused. She advances the theory by saying that when young trees grow bigger, their devices could be removed to new trees. One device could be reused more than 20 times. It makes the cost of each device much more reasonable.

    The speaker continues to discredit the reading’s assertion that it is difficult to motivate local people to look after trees, by examining the fact that there are rewards for these people to take part in. In detail, she points out that since if they set devices on other plants, such as vegetable, which can grow better. In return, local people would have more food. On the other hand, after trees grow larger, people would gain more branches for firewood. Local people would have enough motivation to take part.

    It is the speaker’s third argument that once trees become bigger, they can be able to survive in a harsh environment, which contradicts the reading’s opinion that the device’s ability to collect and conserve water is limited. To explore further, the speaker contends that young trees have long roots, which can help them reach down below the ground to get water resources. Take an example in a certain desert, 90% of trees still thrive after 20 years.

    An apparent divide exists between the reading passage and the speaker on the outcome of those box-shaped devices to fight against desertification.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 12, 2020 at 6:07 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 12, 2020 at 6:08 pm

    Please add my WeChat and remind me of sending you screenshot reviews.

Tagged: