Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork.

  • Alex_Huku
    University: UESTC
    Nationality: Chinese
    October 9, 2020 at 9:17 am

    Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork.

    It’s getting increasingly difficult for parents to accompany their kids nowadays, which drives them to entertainments like video games or sports events. An opinion arises, insisting that it’s better to put this time into things related to schoolwork. Oppositely, I believe that a mild level of entertainment is not harmful, but rather necessary.

    During the time without parents, children will feel lonely, which can be dissipated through entertainment. Modern means of transportations are becoming more and more various and convenient, makes it possible to work in a distant place. Such a situation also causes the segmentation among family members. Many parents choose to work in a different city, leaving their children alone. For instance, I was left alone in another relative’s house when I was in primary school, while my parents were busy working in another city. I always shed tears and hope to meet them when I went to bed, but it wasn’t possible unless the weekend come. Therefore, the method to deal with the serious loneliness of leftover children worth consideration. And I think allow them to play more instead of drab schoolwork will be the solution. By playing games or sports, they can make more friends and improve the feels of loneliness.

    Skills of playing games or sports are of the same significance as schoolwork. By playing with peers, kids can bring up social abilities and build up strong relationships with numerous friends, which has a long-term influence on their lives. Also by playing sports, kids can not only gain healthy body conditions but also contributes to the country’s development. With more and more children paying attention to physical exercises, we can have a strong resource for sports teams and army forces. Relatively spending too much time on schoolwork can cause negative consequences, like rising incidence of myopia or extreme pressures which could lead to mental diseases.

    Sometimes we just pay too much attention to children’s schoolwork and ignore their mental health and well-rounded development. Using spare time to have fun playing games or sports can benefit their whole lives.

    October 12, 2020 at 9:22 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.