Which of the following summer arrangements is better for a 16-17-year-old student of grade eleven? 1) Get ready for some of the major courses they want to study in college; 2) Led by the teacher to visit museums or historical sites, and then write a paper.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Which of the following summer arrangements is better for a 16-17-year-old student of grade eleven? 1) Get ready for some of the major courses they want to study in college; 2) Led by the teacher to visit museums or historical sites, and then write a paper.

  • Douvleplus
    University: High School - Cannon School
    Nationality: China
    June 4, 2021 at 1:39 pm

    Which of the following summer arrangements is better for a 16-17-year-old student of grade eleven? 1) Get ready for some of the major courses they want to study in college; 2) Led by the teacher to visit museums or historical sites, and then write a paper.

    Many students of grade eleven have a strong desire to enrich their lives during summer holiday. The most practical way of spending summer time, in my opinion, would be to get ready for the major college courses they take interest in.

    By getting ahead in college courses, students can further confirm their interest in that major before entering college. Numerous students who have attended colleges for several months, unfortunately, might discover that the major they selected does not seem as attractive as it did in their imagination. To avoid this situation, one of the most appropriate solutions is to preview the college courses before getting into it. For example, my uncle Tom was fascinated by computer science, so he spent hundreds of hours on coding in the summer of grade eleven. Drilling down on this certain subject, uncle Tom’s interest started to lay on more and more specific fields. Eventually, he found that his favourite research actually fell in the algorithm and artificial intelligence, which encouraged him to learn more mathematics. At the end, he applied for double majors in computer science and Maths in college application since he confirmed he was obsessed with both of these fields through getting ready in the summer.

    In addition, were people more prepared in college courses, they would be more successful in college. The reason why most teachers encourage students to preview materials is because students may have questions during the preview and they can use the time in class to figure out their problems. Hence, the ones who prepared for the courses would take the courses more actively as they are thinking how teachers would solve the problems they encountered. For instance, one student who got a bachelor degree of computer science after only two and half years of studying said that it made his life easier by finishing reading all the college materials in the summers of high school.

    In conclusion, Not only would spending time in summer preparing the major courses help you confirm the interest of your study but also help you succeed in those courses.

    Nathan_Wong
    University: Peking University
    Nationality: Chinese
    June 5, 2021 at 6:44 am

    This is a good-written essay, though I have two minor pieces of advice.

    First of all, this essay does not involve or even mention the opposite option, namely spending time exploring museums. Therefore, you may be very convincing in arguing that option A is “good”, but you may fail to argue that A is “better”, as is asked by the question. It will be better if you cast doubt or discuss the cons of the opposite view.

    Second of all, I think the example could be more detailed. For instance, use specific names, places, times, and alike to improve the credibility of your instance.

     

    Douvleplus
    University: High School - Cannon School
    Nationality: China
    June 5, 2021 at 2:18 pm

    Thanks for advising!

    You are right, I should’ve mentioned  the opposite opinion at least once in both paragraphs. My example for the second point could also be more detailed so that at least the sizes of both paragraphs would match.

    June 6, 2021 at 2:23 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 65% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Lengthy paragraphs; restrict each paragraph to 90 words;
    4. Lots of grammatical errors;
    5. Extensive unclear/redundant words/phrases/sentences.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.