Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends. A. joining a sports team, B. participating in community, C. travelling.

Friendship plays a crucial part in our whole (unnecessary) life. When I was a juvenile (word choice error), I aspired to own a confidant (word choice error) who can accompany (word choice error), chat, and hang out with me. So which way is the best (rephrase) to make new friends？Different people have different answer (plural). Some of them (unclear) may think finding friends in the same community is better (better than what?). Others think traveling can help them get more (word choice error) acquaintances. From my own (unnecessary) perspective, joining a sports team is the primary way (word choice error).

First of all (unnecessary), joining a sports team will make it easier for us (rephrase/simplify) to familiar (change to verb) with others as soon as possible. I mean (unnecessary) it’s (unclear, specify what it is, a gym?) a relaxed atmosphere when we are exercising, (missing conjunction) we can start a light (word choice error) conversation with strangers. Maybe we can talk about the (article error) sports (add more detail here). It’s a natural, comfortable, and pleasing topic (remove sentence). But if we chat with our partners who are in the same community, the subject will be around the job project that sounds likes a work communication (unclear, simplify). Additionally, people who like playing sports are always (too absolute) enthusiastic and outgoing, so they prefer to talk with new face (plural). It’s no doubt that we can chat with them easily. (last sentece is redundant)

Besides (choose different transition phrase), we can make lots of precious (word choice error) memories during exercising (exercise). In general, team cooperation plays a big part (word choice error) in some sports activity (unnecessary). Furthermore, people feel more close (closer) to each other when they are in a team. Obviously we would obtain several teammates after a small game (unclear). When I was a university student, I joined an outdoor sports team. Their members almost hold biking activities every weekend. (combine two previous sentences) After a (article error) long-distance biking, we usually found a palatable (word choice error) diner. We drink (verb tense error), ate, and discussed some (unnecessary) special events. It seems like we are (simplify to “We became”) buddies who had lots of precious experiences and memories. Therefore, if I meet travelers during my trip, we will just stay for a while, maybe one day (unclear).

In conclusion, joining a sports team is not only can we start talking with others easier (rephrase), but also (missing pronoun) can creat (spelling error) glorious memories. Moreover, we can keep our friendships by exercising with them (with who? specify).

Friendship plays a crucial part in our life. When I was a teen-age youth, I aspired to have a confidante who can stay, chat, and hang out with me. [ lack logical connection from the last sentence ]So which way is optimum [ optimal ]to make new friends？Different people have different answers. Some may think finding friends in the same community is convenient. Others think[ repetition ] traveling can help them find their acquaintances. From my perspective, joining a sports team is primary.

Firstly, joining a sports team make[grammatical error  ] it easier to get to know each others [word form error  ]as soon as possible. Gym has a relaxed atmosphere[punctuation error  ] thus we can start a relaxed conversation with strangers. Maybe we can talk about sports like basketball, tennis, swimming and so on. But if we chat with our work partners in the same community, we will consider about [ preposition error ]the project we are (dealing with)[wrong phrase; check the phrase’s meaning using English-English dictionary  ][grammatical error- subjunctive voice  ]. [ lack of logical connection from the prior sentence ]Not too much time for gossip. Additionally, people who like playing sports are more enthusiastic and outgoing than others[ absolute statement ], so they prefer to talk with new faces.

Besides, we can make[ have ] lots of amusing memories during exercise. In general, team cooperation plays a huge role in sports[ irrelevant/unclear ]. Furthermore, people feel more closer to each other when they are in a team. They will (communicate suitable strategies)[unclear  ] and cooperate with each other [ punctuation error ]which can apparently close[ wrong word ] their relationship. When I was a university student, I joined an outdoor sports team which always hold[tense error  ] biking activities every weekend. After the [ article error ]long-distance biking, we usually found a special diner. We drunk, ate, and discussed some special events. We became buddies who had lots of precious experiences and memories. Therefore, if I meet travelers during my trip, we will just stay[ grammatical error/subjunctive voice ] for a while because of our different plan[ word form error ] of the travel.

In conclusion, joining a sports team is not only can we make[ grammatical error ] conversation with others easier, [punctuation error  ]but also can create glorious memories. Moreover, we can keep our friendships by exercising with our new partners.

Final Revision

Friendship plays a crucial part in our life. When I was a teen-age youth [ teenager ], I aspired to have a confidante who can[could  ] stay, chat, and hang out with me[ disconnected with the last sentence ]. So which way is optimal to make new friends？Different people have different answers. Some may think finding friends in the same community is convenient. Others consider that traveling can help them find their acquaintances[strike a friendship  ]. From my perspective, joining a sports team is primary[is the most effective measure  ].

Firstly, joining a sports team makes it easier [for people  ] to acknowledge each others [other  ]as soon as possible[ redundant – easier ]. Gym has a relaxed ambience [ambiance;]thus we can start a relaxed conversation with strangers. Maybe we can talk about sports like basketball, tennis, swimming and so on. (But if we friend with someone in the same community, it is possible that we have different interests.)[unclear  ] So[ you are wrong for multiple times in terms of punctuation with the coordinating conjunction SO; learn how to use it. ] sometimes we can’t find a topic. Additionally, people who like playing sports are usually enthusiastic and outgoing, so they prefer to talk with new faces.

Besides, we can have lots of amusing memories during exercise. In general, team cooperation plays a huge role in a sport[sporting  ] activity. During the game, they[ shift of person ] will communicate the strategy [ winning strategies including better cooperation, ]and the cooperation which can apparently [ can  ]improve their relationship. Furthermore, people [often  ]feel more[  much] closer to each other when they are in a team. When I was a university student, I joined an outdoor sports team which always held biking activities every weekend. After a long-distance biking, we usually found [had/went o  ]a special diner. We drunk, ate, and discussed some special events. We became buddies who had lots of precious experiences and memories. Therefore, if I meet[ met ] travelers during my trip, we [ I ]would just stay for a while because of our different [ traveling ]plans of the travel.

In conclusion, joining a sports team is [ can ]not only can we [ help us ]communicate with others easier[, it can  ] but also can create glorious memories. Moreover, we can have our[new  ] friends who can exercise with.