With computers and Internet, people can study and work without going to school or company. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing With computers and Internet, people can study and work without going to school or company. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

  • Shawna
    University: NNU
    Nationality: Chinese
    August 18, 2020 at 3:14 pm

    With computers and the Internet, people can study and work without going to school or company. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

    It is true that advancements in science and technology enable individuals to work remotely and to study remotely. Although telelearning and telecommuting have some drawbacks, I believe that there are more benefits.

    On the one hand, this trend can benefit both individuals and the society, as well as our environment. It is widely known that expenditure on the house rent makes up a significant proportion of one’s living cost. People can save a large amount of money by working and learning remotely because they do not need to pay for the accommodation. Besides, they no longer have to commute by bus or taxi, which will not only mitigate the traffic congestion but also help reduce the greenhouse gases and thus improve our environment, resulting in a higher quality of living.

    On the flip side, it is noted that there could be a loss of efficiency due to the distance. For those who work at home, it is worried that there would be communication barriers because of a lack of face-to-face talks and then insufficiency in work. Advanced technologies, however, have made it possible and convenient to have instant video messages. For those who study at home, it is stated that, without the teachers’ supervision and urge, students will be easily distracted and finally learn with a low efficiency. Nonetheless, this concern is not justified because professional punching systems on online-learning platforms have enabled teachers to get after students conveniently and effectively.

    In a word, despite the fact that there could be some disadvantages of remote learning and remote working, I would argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

    August 22, 2020 at 2:38 am

     

    Score: 53.4

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 35% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Make your introductory paragraph directly relate to the prompt.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.