In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

  • meloxdmy
    University: Shandong University
    Nationality: China
    February 17, 2021 at 2:55 pm

    In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

    With the world changing and society developing, however, the relationships between the young people and their parents are now still a problem. From my standpoint, I cohesively agree that parents are now still making massive amount of decisions for young people, even more than before.The first but the most important evidence is that the number of activities with the young people growing up is now actually rising. In the past, the activities supposed to do for the yound people were just a few. With time passing and economy developing, many new activities were adopted by more and more young people. When my mom was in her young age, what her routine everyday was just studying. Now what I do everyday is not only studying but also after class sports, learning adding courses for better grades and preparing for exam. Parents have to make decisions much more times than before.Another fact that could be an evidence is that young people’s making-decision ability is even weaken now. In the agriculture era, young people left homes earlier, and they made lives by themselves also earlier. So as a result the parents in the past time made decisions for yound people less. It is clearly that now when we start to make lives for ourselves, definitely, we are much older than we used to be. Without doubt, the parents make decisions more now.Lastly, I’d like to show that it is harder for us to make decisions present days. We used to make decision just for our daily events like what we perpare for lunch and what we need to buy today. Unfortunately there are some sophisticated and important decisions waiting for us.For my example, my friend choosed to go abroad for advanced study, he successfully entered a famous college endly. But many other people just stayed in their local school, and they also lost the chance to the super university. Standing on the crossroad of life, we could just ask our parents for help, their experience always works.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 17, 2021 at 8:15 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Lengthy paragraphs; restrict each paragraph to 90 words. (GRE essay 110-word qualifies for non-software revision; 90- word applies to TOEFL/IELTS essay )

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    meloxdmy
    University: Shandong University
    Nationality: China
    February 19, 2021 at 3:20 am

    With the world and society developing , the relationships between young people and parents have changed dramaticly. From my standpoint, I cohesively agree that parents are now still making decisions for young people, even more than before.

    The first but the most important evidence is that the number of activities for the young people is now actually rising. In the past, the activities supposed to do for the yound people were just a few. When my mom was in her young age, what her routine everyday was just studying. As time passing, the activities, which young people need to do, were actually rising. Now what I do everyday contains studying, exercise and field research. In addition, parents have to make decisions much more times than before.

    Another fact could be an evidence is that young people’s making-decision ability is even weaker now. In the agriculture era, young people left homes earlier, and they made lives by themselves also earlier. So as a result the parents in the past time made decisions for young people less. It is clear that we are much older when we start to work than we used to be. Without doubt, the parents make decisions more now.

    Lastly, I’d like to show that it is harder for us to make decisions present days. We used to make decision just for our daily events. For example, we used just to decide what we perpare for lunch and what we need to buy today. Unfortunately there are some sophisticated and important decisions waiting for us.For my example, my friend choosed to go abroad for advanced study, he successfully entered a famous college endly. But many other people just stayed in their local school, and they also lost the chance to the super university. Standing on the crossroad of life, we always depend on our parents’ experience.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 19, 2021 at 10:04 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. There are extensive grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    meloxdmy
    University: Shandong University
    Nationality: China
    February 20, 2021 at 2:34 pm

    With the world and society developing, the relationships between young people and parents have changed dramatically. From my standpoint, I cohesively agree that parents are now still making decisions for young people, even more than before.

    The first but the most persuasive evidence is that the number of activities for young people is now actually rising. In the past, the activities supposed to do for the young people were just a few. When my mom was at her young age, what her routine everyday was just studying. As time passing, the activities, which young people need to do, were actually rising. Now what I do every day contains studying, exercise and field research. In addition, parents have to make decisions much more times than before.

    Another fact could be evidence is that young people’s making-decision ability is even weaker now. In the agriculture era, young people left home earlier, and they made lives by themselves also earlier. As a result, the parents in the past time made decisions for young people less. It is clear that we are much older when we start to work than we used to be. Without doubts, the parents make decisions more now.

    Lastly, I’d like to show that it is harder for us to make decisions present day. We used to make decisions just for our daily events. For example, we used just to decide what we perpared for lunch and what we need to buy today. However, there are some sophisticated and important decisions waiting for us. For my example, my friend chose to go abroad for advanced study. He successfully entered a famous college endly. But many other people just stayed in their local school, and they also lost the chance to the super university. Standing on the crossroad of life, we always depend on our parents’ experiences.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 23, 2021 at 4:06 am

    With the world and society developing[ informal / With the development of .. or while the world and society develop ], the relationships between young people and parents have changed dramatically. From my standpoint, (I cohesively agree that)[redundant  ] parents are now still making decisions for (young people)[unclear  ], even (more than before)[ logical confusion ].

    The first but the most persuasive evidence[for what?  ] is that the number of activities for young people is now actually rising[ irrelevant ]. In the past, (the activities)[ what activities ] supposed to do for the young people were just a few. When my mom was at her young age, what her routine everyday was just studying. As time passing, the activities, which young people need to do, were actually rising. Now what I do every day contains studying, exercise and field research. In addition, parents have to make decisions much more times than before.

    Another fact could be evidence is that young people’s making-decision ability is even weaker now. In the agriculture era, young people left home earlier, and they made lives by themselves also earlier. As a result, the parents in the past time made decisions for young people less. It is clear that we are much older when we start to work than we used to be. Without doubts, the parents make decisions more now.

    Lastly, I’d like to show that it is harder for us to make decisions present day. We used to make decisions just for our daily events. For example, we used just to decide what we perpared for lunch and what we need to buy today. However, there are some sophisticated and important decisions waiting for us. For my example, my friend chose to go abroad for advanced study. He successfully entered a famous college endly. But many other people just stayed in their local school, and they also lost the chance to the super university. Standing on the crossroad of life, we always depend on our parents’ experiences.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 23, 2021 at 4:13 am

    Partial Revision [ All sentences are unclear.]

    meloxdmy
    University: Shandong University
    Nationality: China
    February 25, 2021 at 2:53 pm

    With the development of world and society,  relationships between young people and parents have changed dramatically. From my standpoint, young people nowadays are still depending on their parents to make decisions.

    The first but the most persuasive evidence which could prove my opinion is that the number of activities for young people is now  increasing. In the past, the activities which are supposed to do for the young people were just a few. When my mom was at her young age, what her routine everyday was just studying. As time passing, the activities, which young people need to do, were actually rising. Now what I do every day contains studying, exercise and field research. In addition, parents have to make decisions much more times than before.

    Another fact could be evidence is that young people’s making-decision ability is even weaker now. In the agriculture era, young people left home earlier, and they made lives by themselves also earlier. As a result, the parents in the past time made decisions for young people less. It is clear that we are much older when we start to work than we used to be. Without doubts, the parents make decisions more now.

    Lastly, I’d like to show that it is harder for us to make decisions present day. We used to make decisions just for our daily events. For example, we used just to decide what we perpared for lunch and what we need to buy today. However, there are some sophisticated and important decisions waiting for us. For my example, my friend chose to go abroad for advanced study. He successfully entered a famous college endly. But many other people just stayed in their local school, and they also lost the chance to the super university. Standing on the crossroad of life, we always depend on our parents’ experiences.

     

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 25, 2021 at 7:15 pm

    With the development of [ article error  ]world and society,  relationships between young people and [ missing a pronoun  ] parents have changed dramatically. From my standpoint, young people nowadays are still depending on their parents to make decisions. [ failure to write a clear thesis in response to the prompt.  ]

    The first but the most persuasive evidence which could prove my opinion is that the [First, the increasing  ] number of activities (for) [ available to  ]young people is now increasing[compels them to make independent decisions   ]. In the past, the activities (which are[ grammatical error  ] supposed to do)[ appropriate  ] for the young people were (just a few)[ rare  ]. When my mom was at her young age, (what her routine everyday)[ grammatical error  ] was just studying. As time passing[grammatical error   ], the activities, which [ in which  ]young people need to do,[can participate   ] were actually[redundant   ] rising. Now (what I do every day)[ wordy/use noun phrase  ] contains studying, exercise and field research. In addition, parents[  sudden shift of object ] have to make decisions much more times [ more frequently  ]than before.

    (Another fact could be evidence is that young people’s making-decision ability is even weaker now.)[unclear   ] In the agriculture[ word form error  ] era, young people left home earlier, (and they made lives by themselves also earlier)[ choppy/unclear  ]. As a result, the parents in the past time (made decisions for young people less)[sentence order issue   ]. It[ unclear pronoun  ] is clear that (we are much)[ dull BE verb  ] older when we start to work than we used to be. Without doubts[ grammatical error  ], the[ article error  ] parents (make decisions more now)[ word order issue  ].

    Lastly, I’d like to show that it[ unclear pronoun  ] is harder for us to make decisions( present day)[grammatical error   ]. We used to make decisions just for our daily events. For example, we used just to decide [ i.e., deciding  ]what we perpared[ spelling error  ] for lunch and what we need[grammatical error   ] to buy today. (However, there are some sophisticated and important decisions waiting for us.)[ unclear/tense error  ] (For my example,)[ wrong phrase  ] my friend chose to go abroad for advanced study[/studies   ]. He successfully entered[ /matriculated in  ] a famous college (endly)[  wrong word ]. But many other people just stayed in their local school, and[incorrect coordinating conjunction   ] they also lost the chance to (the super university)[ unclear  ]. Standing on the crossroad of life, we always[ zero-conditional writing  ] depend on our parents’ experiences.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 25, 2021 at 7:37 pm

    On hold.