In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

  • jjjccc
    University: Sun Yat-sen University
    Nationality: China
    September 25, 2020 at 1:13 pm

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

    With the development of society, our living habits have made a huge amount of transitions. As a young man, I have noticed one of the most significant changes. Nowadays, young people could live a more independent life and make more decisions for themselves comparing with young people in the past.

    The most contributing factor refers to the development of society concepts. In the past, people tended to have the tradition that children should follow the instructions of older people especially parents. Since public’s educational levels rise, an increasing number of parents realize the necessity to prevent their kids’ dependency on them. On the one hand, they recognize the futility to decide everything for their kids around them, except for their sense of control. On the other hand, they know about the consequence of dependency. Young people rely on them, then have little ideas on how to deal with problems, finally fail. The transformation to the sense of letting kids go forms the independent conditions for young people.

    What is more, increasing access of information provides probability for young people to be independent. In past years, a reason why youngers need parents to make decisions could be attributed to their parents’ more experience. They can get no help except from their parents. Let us talk about the process of finding a job. In the past, parents might tell young people which job was better. Nowadays, however, we can search for whatever we want, including the information of salary, the locations and even future colleagues to make a decision of a job. Comparing to those knowledges, the experience of parents appears a little bit powerless. Hence, more approaches to information guarantee the independence young people to be a rational one.

    To sum up,because the change of parents’ mind to let kids go creating the conditions for the independency, and easily gained information prevents the independency to be a bad one, young people are sure be able to be more independent.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    October 1, 2020 at 7:22 pm

    Score: 60.3

    Issues:

    1. Extensive grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    jjjccc
    University: Sun Yat-sen University
    Nationality: China
    October 5, 2020 at 12:22 pm

    With the development of society, our living habits have made several transitions. As a young man, I have noticed one of the most significant changes. Nowadays, young people could live a more independent life and make more decisions for themselves compared with young people in the past.

    The most contributing factor refers to the development of social concepts. In the past, people tended to have the tradition that children should follow the instructions of older people, in particular, parents. Since the public’s educational levels rise, an increasing number of parents realize the necessity to prevent their kids’ dependency on them. On the one hand, they recognize the futility to decide everything for their kids around them, except for their sense of control. On the other hand, they know about the consequence of dependency. Young people rely on them, then have little ideas on how to deal with problems, finally fail. Forming the minds of letting kids go, parents could set the independent stage for young people.

    What is more, increasing access to information provides a probability for young people to be independent. In past years, why youngers need parents to make decisions attributes to their parents’ more experience. They can get no help except their parents. Let us talk about the process of finding a job. In the past, parents might tell young people which job was better. Nowadays, however, we can search for whatever we want, including the information on salary, the locations, and even future colleagues to decide for a job. Comparing to that knowledge, the experience of parents appears a little bit powerless. Hence, more approaches to information guarantee the independence of young people to be a rational one.

    In conclusion, because the change of parents’ minds to let kids go creating the conditions for independency and easily-gained information prevents independence from a bad one, young people are sure to be able to be more independent.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    October 5, 2020 at 8:15 pm

    With the development of society[Consequent to societal progression ], our living habits have made[ /experienced ] several transitions. As a young man, I have noticed one [ One ]of the most significant changes. Nowadays, [is that  ]young people could[can  ] live a more independent life[ , which means that they can] and make more decisions for themselves [ than ]compared with [the  ]young people in the past [ could ].

    The most contributing factor refers[relates  ] to the development of social concepts. In the past, people tended to have[/accept  ] the tradition that children should follow the instructions of older people, in particular, [ their ]parents. Since[As a result of improved public education,  ] the public’s educational levels rise, an increasing number of parents realize[/recognize  ] the necessity to [of  ]prevent[preventing/precluding  ] their kids’ [ kids from depending  ]dependency on them. On the one hand, they [unclear pronoun  ]recognize the futility to decide everything for their kids (around them)[ redundant ], except for their[unclear pronoun  ] sense of control. On the other hand, they know about the consequence of dependency. Young people rely on them, then[ grammatical error ] have little ideas on how to deal with problems, finally [ grammatical error ]fail. Forming the minds of letting [Letting  ]kids go, parents could set the independent stage for (young people)[unclear  ].

    What is more, increasing access to information provides a probability for [allows  ]young people to be[use a stronger verb  ] independent. In past years, why youngers need parents to make decisions attributes to their parents’ more experience[grammatical error/unclear  ]. They can[grammatical error  ] get no help except their parents[logical confusion/parents are not ‘help’  ]. Let us talk about the process of finding a job. In the past, parents might tell young people which job was better. Nowadays, however, we[ coherence problem /subject fails to echo the subject or the object of the last sentence ] can search for whatever we want, including the [article error  ]information on salary, the [artical error  ]locations, and even (future colleagues to decide for a job)[unclear  ]. Comparing to that knowledge[ dangling modifier ], the experience of parents [ parental experience ]appears a little bit powerless. Hence, more approaches[wrong word  ] to information guarantee the independence of( young people to be a rational one)[ logical confusion ].

    In conclusion, because the change of parents’ minds to let kids go creating the conditions for independency and easily-gained information prevents independence from a bad one, young people are sure to be able to be more independent.[verbose sentence with grammatical error  ]