Playing sports can teach people lessons about life

TruckersForMe Participant

Peter0731
University: 大连理工大学
Nationality: China

July 23, 2019 at 2:28 am

TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing sports can teach people lessons about life.

Opinions are bound to vary, and so it is no surprise that the issue whether playing sports can teach people lessons about life has triggered miscellaneous from public. Some of us claim, sometimes very vehemently, that people gain only health and entertainment by playing sports. However, it is my humble opinion that sports can actually serve as powerful lessons as I now involve myself in it often enough.

The first reason which prompts me to think that sports can teach us something we never learn in class is that it is not always better to win. This means that there is something more important when we play sports with others. For example, what matters most when playing sports with our friends is to have a good time together. Sometime, we even need to deliberately lose the game in order to cheer our friends up when they are around with sadness, which may contract to common view. Consequently, one can conclude that sports teach me that it’s not always better to be superior all the time, otherwise we may be likely to have nobody close to us.

Another reason why I believe sports can bring something that benefit us in our lives is that if we want to be trusted, we need to have faith in others first. This can because the bridge of trust will never be built just from one side. Examples to illustrate this should not be difficult to locate. When I play basketball with some strangers on the court, I realized if I chose to believe that one person could score and thus passed him the ball, the person would also be willing to count on me when I had the chance. Therefore, it can be seen that sports teach me that people trust me the way we trust them.

Last but not least, that taking part in physical activity can help us much, considering that exercise can help us make good use of our time. To be more specific, proper amount exercise can fresh our body and mind. Take myself as an exemplification. I regularly have some weight training and cardiovascular training, and after that I find myself more energetic, which is why I have higher work efficiency. I think hours could be compensated because I can get more work done within a shorter time. Not surprisingly, this lesson couldn’t be learned without sports and workouts.

Based on what has been made manifest above, we conclude that sports can really teach us something that it is not always better to win, that trust should be built from two side, that we can increase work efficiency with proper amount of exercise.
TruckersForMe Participant

Administrator

July 23, 2019 at 5:03 pm
Score: 73.7

Suggestions for Improvement
- Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.
Problems Highlight

Opinions are bound to vary, and so[ coordination] it [ It + Be ]is no surprise that the issue whether playing sports can teach people lessons about life has triggered miscellaneous[ unclear ] from [ article ]public.[Verbose] Some of us claim, sometimes very [ redundant ]vehemently, that people gain only health and entertainment by playing sports. However, it is my humble opinion that sports can actually [unnecessary adverb ]serve as powerful lessons as I now involve myself in it [ pronoun ]often enough.

The first reason which[ that ] prompts me to think that sports can teach us something we never learn in class is that it is not always better to win[ redundant]. This means that there is something [ There BE ]more important when we play sports with others. For example, what matters most [ wordy ] when playing sports with our friends is to have a good time together. Sometime, we even need to deliberately lose the game in order to cheer our friends up when they are around with sadness, which may contract to [ article ]common view.[Verbose] Consequently, one can conclude that sports teach me that it’s [ IT + BE] [ Conventions ]not always better to be [ BE verb]superior all the time, [punctuation with adverb ]otherwise we may be likely to have nobody close to us.[Verbose]

Another reason why I believe sports can bring something that benefit [ grammatical ]us in our lives is that if we want to be trusted[passive], we need to have faith in others first[ Subjunctive ]. This [ pronoun ] can [ grammatical ]because the bridge of trust will never be built [passive]just [wordy adverb ]from one side. Examples to illustrate this should not [NOT ]be difficult to locate. When I play basketball with some strangers on the court, I realized[ Unparalleled ] if I chose to believe that one person could score and thus passed him the ball, the person would also be willing to count on me when I had the chance.[Verbose] Therefore, it [It + BE ] can be seen [passive] that sports teach me that people trust me the way we trust them.

Last but not least, that taking part in physical activity can help us much, considering that exercise can help us make good use of our time. [ wordy ] To be more specific, proper amount [ preposition] exercise can fresh our body and mind. Take myself as an exemplification [ wrong word ] . I regularly have [ Weak verb ] some weight training and cardiovascular [ wordy] training, and after that I find myself more energetic, which is why I have higher work efficiency [ wordy] .[Verbose] I think hours could be compensated[passive] because I can get more work done within a shorter time. Not [ NOT ] surprisingly, this lesson couldn’t [ conventions ] be learned [passive]without sports and workouts.

Based on what has been made [passive]manifest above, we conclude that sports can really [unnecessary adverb ] teach us something that it [ IT + BE] is not [ NOT ] always [ Absolute ] better to win, that trust should be built [passive]from two side, [ Coordination] that we can increase work efficiency with [ article ] proper amount of exercise.[Verbose]

Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.

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Writing Tips
1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
4. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
5. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
6. It + Be + Verb: Wordy.
7. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
8. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
9. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
10. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
11. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
12. There Be Sentence: Wordy
13. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
14. Unparalleled Structure: use paralleled structures, including tense.
15. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
16. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.