In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Score: ungraded

Issues:

1. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts;

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Many people think that children shouldn’t rely on their parents to make decisions for them. Nowadays, many people still consider that parents make too many decisions for their children. In my opinion, the young can decide for themselves.

[  Consecutive sentences starting with the same word; vague paragraph, so you need to rewrite it using your own words. Take a look at this essay. ]

1. Consecutive sentences start with the same words. I.e. Many people…;
2. Many vague sentences. I.E. the first paragraph

First, the schools and the government are trying to train the young to become more independent. They came up with different lessons to teach the children. In my experience, when I was an elementary school student, we had a lesson to teach us how to make decisions. The lesson was called “Deciding by yourself”. In this class, we were asked to give opinions on several issues. By doing this practice, we built clear concepts. As a result, it became more difficult for our parents to manipulate us and have our own opinion.

[ Replace pronouns (i.e. they/it) that fail to echo the noun/nouns clearly with nouns. ]

Secondly, parents are aware that children should make decisions by themselves. They try to give their children more opportunities to make decisions. For example, my mother didn’t allow my sister to choose what to eat in the restaurant. After they saw the news that children were lacking decision-making ability. She gave me more freedom. Now, my sister can order her favorite meal every time we go to that restaurant.

[  Lots of repetitions. I.E. make decisions. Avoid using NOT if you can. Didn’t allow = prevent someone from doing ]

Finally, more resources can help young people to make decisions than in the past. Because of the internet, parents are more confident that their children have enough information to make decisions. They give children more chances to decide for themselves. For example, in the drama, Young Sheldon, Sheldon’s mother didn’t allow him to choose his breakfast. After Sheldon did a lot of research and collected a lot of information from the Net, he made his mother believe that he was able to make the right choice. Finally, she let him do whatever he wanted.

[ Many grammatical errors.   ]

To summarize, nowadays, young people can make their own decisions because of the school’s training, the change of parents’ concept, and the help of abundant information from Net. Society makes it more possible for children to make decisions. As a result, we can see that young people are less reliant on their parents to decide things.

Score: ungraded

Recommendations:

1. More than 10% of sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts;
2. Wrong use of pronouns. Make sure each pronoun (it, this, they., etc) should echo the noun in the prior sentence clearly. If the prior sentence contains 2 plural nouns, for instance, using THEY could confuse the reader. Replace all unclear pronouns with nouns;
3. Sentence coherence: The subject of a sentence should echo the subject, or the object, of the prior sentence. Many sentences in your essay fail to do so. (I.E. Many people think that children shouldn’t rely on their parents to make decisions for them. Nowadays, the general public still considers that parents make too many decisions for their children. – the general public fails to echo PEOPLE or Children);
4. You have wrongly used THE in many sentences. Find relevant online materials to learn when to use The and when not to use it;
5. Think over each sentence. Most sentences are problematic.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate more problems/errors.