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April 23, 2019 at 2:33 am
Hi,
You need to complete the revision of one essay prior to working on the next one.
Regards,
Lin Qiu
April 23, 2019 at 2:31 amScore: 46.1
Suggestions for Improvement:
- Minimize the number of passive-voice sentences;
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
- Numerous grammatical/factual/logical problems (even after my revision).
Rewrite and resubmit your essay ASAP.
Best regards,
Lin Qiu
Problems Highlight:
These days, many people owe a lot to celebrities who draw up great attention towards international aid organizations (Non-British Spelling), for they have addressed the inequities by giving supports to NGOs and after that many followers would imitate them to do so. However, I take leave (Grammatical Error) to doubt their influence on the welfare industry, since they never exert any moral change in essence, and they even make the problems less significant.Admittedly (Problematic Adverb), it is true that famous people help to promote donations. We see a lot of celebrities contributing their wealth to foundations and NGOs to raise awareness of various issues. This itself is a double-win process, as they not only use their money in a meaningful way but also establish a positive reputation for themselves. International aid organizations (Non-British Spelling) receive an extra bonus from such behaviors (Non-British Spelling) because followers of those celebrities are so appealed by their personal (Verbose Expression) characteristic that they are very likely to donate a little bit to show their loyalty and support. Therefore, there is invariably a booming in money raising every time when a celebrity joins a philanthropy activity.Nevertheless, such increment in money raising can not (Grammatical Error) explain an uplifting effect from famous people, if datas (Grammatical Error) were not examined in a long (Grammatical Error)term. In the first place, the sudden popularity of international aids brings by celebrities mainly influence fans and followers. Technically(Problematic Adverb), these people are not giving help to economically (Problematic Adverb)or socially (Problematic Adverb)deprived people by heart, but in a way to support their idols instead. Thus, in only a few occasions will those people offer help constantly and they are very likely to quit when their idols no longer do so or they simply stop following them. In the light (Grammatical Error)of this, philanthropy activities are only a symbol rather than a meaningful behavior (Non-British Spelling). And for this reason, they lose their initial significance and become less important.In a nutshell, although famous people draw up great attention to international aids, they are not promoting the humanity process profoundly. And as they are sometimes too powerful, they also push away attention to themselves rather than those ‘noble activities’.—–Partial Revision ( Many grammatical, logical and factual problems remain.)These days, many people owe a lot to celebrities who draw up great attention towards international aid organisations, for they have addressed the inequities by giving supports to NGOs and after that many followers would imitate them to do so. However, I tend to doubt their influence on the welfare industry, since they never exert any moral change in essence, and they even make the problems less significant.
It is true that famous people help to promote donations. We see a lot of celebrities contributing their wealth to foundations and NGOs to raise awareness of various issues. This itself is a double-win process, as they not only use their money in a meaningful way but also establish a positive reputation for themselves. International aid organisations receive an extra bonus from such behaviours because their characteristic so appeals followers of those celebrities that they are very likely to donate a little bit to show their loyalty and support. Therefore, there is invariably a booming in money raising whenever a celebrity joins a philanthropy activity.
Nevertheless, such increment in money raising cannot explain an uplifting effect from famous people, if data were not examined in the long term. In the first place, the sudden popularity of international aids brings by celebrities mainly influence fans and followers. , these people are not giving help to economically or socially deprived people by heart, but in a way to support their idols instead. Thus, in only a few occasions will those people offer help constantly and they are very likely to quit when their idols no longer do so, or they stop following them. In light of this, philanthropy activities are only a symbol rather than a meaningful behaviour. And for this reason, they lose their initial significance and become less important.
In a nutshell, although famous people draw up great attention to international aids, they are not promoting the humanity process profoundly. And as they are sometimes too powerful, they also push away attention to themselves rather than those ‘noble activities’.
April 23, 2019 at 1:56 amScore: 59.9
Selected Problems Highlight
Nowadays, more and more students graduated from high school take attending college into their prior consideration. We can explore a number of (Verbose Expression) reasons behind it.First of all, we are living in a knowledge exploration times (Grammatical Error) which means all of us (Complex) need to prepare for learning through our whole life. Under the pressure of society and career in the future, we need to keep on learning latest technology skills and professional knowledge. Especially for some career (Grammatical Error)such as architects and engineers. In this situation, we need an environment to prepare for the competition in the future, and college or university is an ideal place. In the college, there are excellent professors and advanced laboratories available which brings us access to promote our abilities most effectively.Secondly (Weak Adverb), during college life, we would obtain many friends having the same goal or hobby. They would become one of the value (Grammatical Error)in our future life. We can not only share our experience and feelings, (Grammatical Error) but also communicate professional thoughts with them. Admittedly, studying in college or university is a precious experience which would not go through. As we are getting older, we would have many other things waiting for us, and we have less chance to enjoy the pure happiness of learning. For instance, it is common that many successful athletes and businessmen (Gender Discrimination) back to school after they have obtained great achievement.For these reasons above, it is worthwhile for people to attend college or university. And there is no wonder why more and more people value college experience.—————————Partial ProofreadingNowadays, more and more students graduated from high school take attending college into their prior consideration. We can explore some reasons behind it.
First of all, we are living in a knowledge exploration time which means we need to prepare for learning through our whole life. Under the pressure of society and career in the future, we need to keep on learning latest technology skills and professional knowledge. Especially for some professions such as architects and engineers. In this situation, we need an environment to prepare for the competition in the future, and college or university is an ideal place. In the college, there are excellent professors and advanced laboratories available which brings us access to promote our abilities most effectively.
Besides, during college life, we would obtain many friends having the same goal or hobby. They would become one of the values in our future growth. We can not only share our experience and feelings but also communicate professional thoughts with them. Admittedly, studying in college or university is a precious experience which would not go through. As we are getting older, we would have many other things waiting for us, and we have less chance to enjoy the pure happiness of learning. For instance, it is common that many successful athletes and businesspeople back to school after they have obtained great achievement.
For these reasons above, it is worthwhile for people to attend college or university. And there is no wonder why more and more people value college experience.
——————
Suggestions for Improvement
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
- A large number of grammatical, logical and factual errors.
Rewrite and resubmit your essay.
Best regards,
Lin Qiu
April 22, 2019 at 10:11 pmTypical Errors HighlightWith the improvement of social material and educational conditions, education for young students from 5 to 8 years old is drawing an increasing (Grammatical Error) attention from the public and there does arise a heated-debate topic about the lessons students should take. While an array of people urge that some lessons, including video games, should be eliminated from young students’ lessons table, I firmly (Unnecessary Adverb) believe these lessons do matter most for the following reasons.The first key factor is that these lessons serve as role (Grammatical Error)to stimulate students’ interest to study, which is absolutely (Unnecessary Adverb) crucial for young students from 5 to 8 years. It is undoubted that interests play an essential part in the process of studying due to the fact that the interest in a specific field promotes young students to have a further (Grammatical Error)study in it. Lessons including video games, can surely (Unnecessary Adverb) achieve this goal as it can not only provide much fun for young students but also enable them to study at the same time, which can satisfy young students’ need of acquiring knowledge of the world as well as finding their interests. Take myself for an example. I got exposed to a video game called Assassins Creed when I was just 7 years old . (Grammatical Error)I was deeply attracted by the charming plots, describing historical events in the time of Roman (Grammatical Error)empire, in the game. Ever since, (Grammatical Error)I have been enthusiasm (Grammatical Error)of (Grammatical Error)studying history and the experience does benefit me a lot. On the contrary, however, if these joyful lessons were removed, young students might feel bored when studying. Even worse, their interest of (Grammatical Error)studying and acquiring new knowledge are (Grammatical Error)likely to fade off. So, taking courses including video games is important for young students from 5 to 8 years old.The second contributing factor is that lessons, including video games, well matches (Grammatical Error)young students cognitive ability, considering at the view of young student’s growth. Several scientific researches (Grammatical Error)have indicated that it is not until 12 years old that students’ cognitive ability begins to develop at a fast speed. In other word, (Grammatical Error) the cognitive ability of young students from 5 to 8 years old is just (Unnecessary Adverb)so weak that they might have trouble understanding difficult problems and knowledge. The interesting lessons, including video games, convey understandable knowledge to young students through a joyful way, dissolving the hard-understanding knowledge easy to command. Nevertheless, through other types of lessons have the privilege to teach large quantities of knowledge to students in a short time, young students are actually more likely to get distracted and frustrated owing to the fact that they fail to understand the knowledge. A recent (Grammatical Error)research launched by THU suggests that the potential of those who have received lessons including video games and other types of entertainment can (Grammatical Error) be dug more than 30% compared with whose never have the chances of getting exposed to these interesting lessons. Needless to say, the lessons including video games, do matters for young students.Taking all these into consideration, I firmly(Unnecessary Adverb) recommend parents and teachers offer the chances of studying these interesting lessons to young students from 5 to 8 years old. The choice will never fail you.—————-Partial Revision (There are still numerous grammatical/logical/factual errors.)With the improvement of social material and educational conditions, education for young students from 5 to 8 years old is drawing increasing attention from the public, and there does arise a heated-debate topic about the lessons students should take. While an array of people urge that some lessons, including video games, should be eliminated from young students’ lessons table, I believe these lessons do matter most for the following reasons.
The first key factor is that these lessons serve as a role to stimulate students’ interest to study, which is crucial for young students from 5 to 8 years. It is undoubted that interests play an essential part in the process of studying because the interest in a specific field promotes young students to have a further study in it. Lessons including video games can achieve this goal as it can not only provide much fun for young students but also enable them to study at the same time, which can satisfy young students’ need of acquiring knowledge of the world as well as finding their interests. Take myself for an example. I got exposed to a video game called Assassins Creed when I was seven years old. I was attracted by the charming plots, describing historical events in the time of the Roman empire, in the game. Ever since I have been enthusiastic about studying history and the experience does benefit me a lot.
On the contrary, however, if these joyful lessons were removed, young students might feel bored when studying. Even worse, their interest in studying and acquiring new knowledge is likely to fade off. So, taking courses including video games is essential for young students from 5 to 8 years old. The second contributing factor is that lessons, including video games, well match young students cognitive ability, considering at the view of young student’s growth. Several scientific pieces of research have indicated that it is not until 12 years old that students’ cognitive ability begins to develop at a fast speed. In other words, the cognitive ability of young students from 5 to 8 years old is so weak that they might have trouble understanding difficult problems and knowledge. The interesting lessons, including video games, convey understandable knowledge to young students through a joyful way, dissolving the hard-understanding knowledge easy to command.
Nevertheless, through other types of lessons have the privilege to teach large quantities of knowledge to students in a short time, young students are more likely to get distracted and frustrated because they fail to understand the knowledge. Recent research launched by THU suggests that the potential of those who have received lessons including video games and other types of entertainment can be dug more than 30% compared with whose never have the chances of getting exposed to these exciting lessons.
Needless to say, the lessons including video games, do matters for young students. Taking all these into consideration, I recommend parents and teachers offer the chances of studying these interesting lessons to young students from 5 to 8 years old. The choice will never fail you.
———–Score: 55.7Suggestions for Improvement- Shorten your essay to 320 words;
- Minimize use of passive-voice;
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
- Shorten all paragraphs to -90 words;
Rewrite your essay from my ‘Revision Version’ to address the issues noted above and then re-upload your essay.Regards,Lin QiuApril 20, 2019 at 3:15 amHi, I will not work on this essay until you FULLY finish the prior essay.
Best regards,
Lin Qiu
April 20, 2019 at 3:01 amGrammatical/Spelling Errors Highlights
People need to relax themselves especially after a long period of working. Many companies have taken different strategies to figure out an effective way of relaxation for their workers. In my opinion, having activities different form (ERROR)work is the best choice, since it not only helps workers with their efficiency, (ERROR)but also is beneficial for their health.
Significantly different from what is done repeatedly at (ERROR)working hours, this kind of relaxation with hobbies or physical activities is likely to help employees think differently, totally getting out of the box that restricts their mind storm while doing similar tasks in the studios. It is especially helpful for those who work with their originality. Taking a jazz band on TED talks as an example. They attributed their success to the annual vacation, in which they took a month off to the seaside, enjoying the sun shine (ERROR)and wonderful scenery along the coast. Every time they came back from the (ERROR)vacation, they are more likely to derive some brilliant ideas for their music.
Such relaxation will also have (ERROR) positive effect on people’s health, both physically and mentally. My father’s friend worked as an engineer, who remained sedentary in front of a computer every week days(ERROR). His neck ached badly after watching the screen for long hours. Invited by his colleagues, he took part in the badminton club of the company. With the relaxation of this physical activity, he managed to relieve himself from the working pressure and felt much better with the sickness of his neck.
To some extent, it seems that having some relaxation related to people’s work will benefit the companies, (ERROR)since employees are engaged in work for much longer hours. However, it never takes the feelings of workers into account. People may get bored with daily working tasks, it is necessary to have different activities to eliminate the pressure so that they can really hold a positive attitude towards their work.
———–
Partial grammatical proofreading (There are still many more grammatical/factual/logical issues.)
People need to relax themselves especially after a long period of working. Many companies have taken different strategies to figure out an effective way of relaxation for their workers. In my opinion, having activities different from work is the best choice, since it not only helps workers with their efficiency but also is beneficial for their health.
Significantly different from what is done repeatedly at working hours, this kind of relaxation with hobbies or physical activities is likely to help employees think differently, totally getting out of the box that restricts their mind storm while doing similar tasks in the studios. It is especially helpful for those who work with their originality. Taking a jazz band on TED talks as an example. They attributed their success to the annual vacation, in which they took a month off to the seaside, enjoying the sunshine and wonderful scenery along the coast. Every time they came back from vacation, they are more likely to derive some brilliant ideas for their music.
Such relaxation will also have a positive effect on people’s health, both physically and mentally. My father’s friend worked as an engineer, who remained sedentary in front of a computer every weekday. His neck ached badly after watching the screen for long hours. Invited by his colleagues, he took part in the badminton club of the company. With the relaxation of this physical activity, he managed to relieve himself from the working pressure and felt much better with the sickness of his neck.
To some extent, it seems that having some relaxation related to people’s work will benefit the companies since employees are engaged in work for much longer hours. However, it never takes the feelings of workers into account. People may get bored with daily working tasks, it is necessary to have different activities to eliminate the pressure so that they can really hold a positive attitude towards their work.
————————–
[In the following version, I removed most of the USELESS adverbs; you can rewrite these sentences without using these adverbs. For remaining adverbs, try to use forceful words instead.)
People need to relax themselves especially after a long period of working. Many companies have taken different strategies to figure out an effective way of relaxation for their workers. , having activities different from work is the best choice, since it not only helps workers with their efficiency but also is beneficial for their health.different from what is done at working hours, this kind of relaxation with hobbies or physical activities is likely to help employees think differently, getting out of the box that restricts their mind storm while doing similar tasks in the studios. It is especially helpful for those who work with their originality. Taking a jazz band on TED talks as an example. They attributed their success to the annual vacation, in which they took a month off to the seaside, enjoying the sunshine and wonderful scenery along the coast. Every time they came back from vacation, they are more likely to derive some brilliant ideas for their music.Such relaxation will also have a positive effect on people’s health. My father’s friend worked as an engineer, who remained sedentary in front of a computer every weekday. His neck ached after watching the screen for long hours. Invited by his colleagues, he took part in the badminton club of the company. With the relaxation of this physical activity, he managed to relieve himself from the working pressure and felt much better with the sickness of his neck.To some extent, it seems that having some relaxation related to people’s work will benefit the companies since employees are engaged in work for much longer hours. However, it never takes the feelings of workers into account. People may get bored with daily working tasks, it is necessary to have different activities to eliminate the pressure so that they can hold a positive attitude towards their work.Score
56.8
Suggestions for Improvement
- You need to further minimize the number of passive-voice sentences;
- Shorten or split sentences exceeding 20 words;
- Remove all useless adverbs ( I have done that for you in the version above.)
Rewrite and re-upload your essay.
April 19, 2019 at 6:40 pmBecause of the specific policy and improved financial condition, the number of family (X) which fosters(X) multiple children is increasing. So a discussion has been put up: whether the older child or the parents should be responsible for taking care of the younger child? I think the older ones should be required to do so.
To begin with, making looking after the younger child mandatory will surely serve as a way to cultivate the responsibility of the older child. In this process, the older children will learn to understand and care for others. In addition, nursing the babies will also makes (X) them more patient and kind. They will experience the character of being a parent, and they can understand how hard their parents were when fostering them. Therefore, taking care of their younger sister or brother will always reminds (X) them to pay attention to other’s need and share the burden of their parents.
On the other hand, children have a closer relationship. It will be easier for them to understand and help each other. In adolescence，we all have some secrets which we do not want to share with our parents. We would prefer (X)go to ask our older sister or brother for help. No matter when we quarrel with our best friend or confused about dealing with a relationship. We are contemporaries, so we have common sense and interests. Required the older one to look after the younger child can offer a better and healthier way for the younger child to grow up.
Admittedly, the adults are more experienced and careful, but they are also very busy. They may not have as much time to company a little child as the other child. While for a little child, time and love is (X)so important.
According to all the reasons I pointed out above, asking the older children to care for the younger children will never be a bad idea.
——————-
After removing partial grammatical errors ( There are more grammatical, logical and factual problems)
Because of the specific policy and improved financial condition, the number of families which fosters multiple children is increasing. So a discussion has been put up: whether the older child or the parents should be responsible for taking care of the younger child? I think the older ones should be required to do so.
To begin with, making looking after the younger child mandatory will surely serve as a way to cultivate the responsibility of the older child. In this process, the older children will learn to understand and care for others. In addition, nursing the babies will also make them more patient and kind. They will experience the character of being a parent, and they can understand how hard their parents were when fostering them. Therefore, taking care of their younger sister or brother will always remind them to pay attention to other’s need and share the burden of their parents.
On the other hand, children have a closer relationship. It will be easier for them to understand and help each other. In adolescence，we all have some secrets which we do not want to share with our parents. We would prefer to go to ask our older sister or brother for help. No matter when we quarrel with our best friend or confused about dealing with a relationship. We are contemporaries, so we have common sense and interests. Required the older one to look after the younger child can offer a better and healthier way for the younger child to grow up.
Admittedly, the adults are more experienced and careful, but they are also very busy. They may not have as much time to company a little child as the other child. While for a little child, time and love are so important.
According to all the reasons I pointed out above, asking the older children to care for the younger children will never be a bad idea.
—————-
Score: 72.1
Suggestions for Improvement
- Further reduce the number of passive-voice sentences;
- Shorten all sentences into 20 words;
- Resolve conventions problem (keep spacing between sentences)
- Improve accuracy and writing effectiveness
I.E. Because of the specific policy and improved financial condition, the number of families which fosters multiple children is increasing. – Due/Consequent to favourable birth policies and improved financial conditions, more Chinese families tend to raise multiple children.
Rewrite and resubmit your essay.
April 19, 2019 at 5:17 pmOur society has changed greatly during the past 100 years in terms of people’s perspectives on different jobs. Being a teacher, which was a decent and meaningful job in the past, seems no longer valued nowadays because of two reasons.
Teacher (ERROR ) do not get sufficient income compared with other occupations like banker, engineer or trader, which to a large extent discourage students to engage in teaching after graduation and make this job less appreciated. If you ask a college student what career he would like to choose, the answer would not probably be a teacher because teaching is not a profitable or promising job.
Today, the living pressure has increased dramatically, especially in major cities, and every person necessitates a well-paid job to sustain (ERROR ) high standard of living. Just take a look at how the hike of housing price in Beijing has made lots of people frustrated about their lives. Therefore, since teaching has stood as one of (ERROR ) jobs with (ERROR ) lowest payments in the society, it is impossible for a teacher to live a well-off life in big cities.
Furthermore, based on the fact that in current society people always judge others by their financial condition, the salary of a job matters a lot for people. As a result, the more profitable a job is, the more popular and desirable the job will be. That explains the ruthless phenomenon that teacher (ERROR ) were less appreciated by the society nowadays than (ERROR ) past.
Another reason is that the development of technology has enabled us to learn knowledge by ourselves so that teaching seems no more necessary in the society now than 7past. For example, if I want to learn calculus, I can simply look it up via 8Internet and Wikipedia tells me everything about it. It is inconvenient and unnecessary for me to ask for my math teacher. Although (ERROR ) Internet has its limitation that it cannot solve every problem we have, we have to admit that technology has replaced a great amount of work of (ERROR ) teacher.
However, many social members were illiterate in the past caused by the lack of education and limited resources. Teacher, whose mission is to educate and enlighten people, were regarded as noble and respectful at that time. When time has elapsed and technology is woven into the fabric of our daily lives, teachers lose their previous prestige and become ordinary.
Based on the analysis above, it is concluded that nowadays (ERROR ) teacher (ERROR ) are no longer valued and appreciated by people of a society. Despite teacher’s social status, I believe the government should restore their prestige and condition, otherwise(ERROR ) our society would face a serious educational problem in (ERROR ) near future.
—————–
Having removed some grammatical errors (many grammatical errors, logical/factual inconsistencies remain.)
Our society has changed greatly during the past 100 years in terms of people’s perspectives on different jobs. Being a teacher, which was a decent and meaningful job in the past, seems no longer valued nowadays because of two reasons.
Teacher does not get sufficient income compared with other occupations like banker, engineer or trader, which to a large extent discourage students to engage in teaching after graduation and make this job less appreciated. If you ask a college student what career he would like to choose, the answer would not probably be a teacher because teaching is not a profitable or promising job.
Today, the living pressure has increased dramatically, especially in major cities, and every person necessitates a well-paid job to sustain a high standard of living. Just take a look at how the hike of housing price in Beijing has made lots of people frustrated about their lives. Therefore, since teaching has stood as one of the jobs with the lowest payments in the society, it is impossible for a teacher to live a well-off life in big cities.
Furthermore, based on the fact that in current society people always judge others by their financial condition, the salary of a job matters a lot for people. As a result, the more profitable a job is, the more popular and desirable the job will be. That explains the ruthless phenomenon that teacher was less appreciated by the society nowadays than the past.
Another reason is that the development of technology has enabled us to learn knowledge by ourselves so that teaching seems no more necessary in the society now than in the past. For example, if I want to learn calculus, I can simply look it up via the Internet and Wikipedia tells me everything about it. It is inconvenient and unnecessary for me to ask for my math teacher. Although the Internet has its limitation that it cannot solve every problem we have, we have to admit that technology has replaced a great amount of work of a teacher.
However, many social members were illiterate in the past caused by the lack of education and limited resources. Teacher, whose mission is to educate and enlighten people, were regarded as noble and respectful at that time. When time has elapsed and technology is woven into the fabric of our daily lives, teachers lose their previous prestige and become ordinary.
Based on the analysis above, it is concluded that nowadays the teacher is no longer valued and appreciated by people of a society. Despite the teacher’s social status, I believe the government should restore their prestige and condition; otherwise, our society would face a serious educational problem in the near future.
Score: 55
Suggestions for Improvement:
- Minimize the number of passive-voice sentences;
- Reduce the number of sentences exceeding 20 words to less than 10% (2/3 of the sentences exceed 20 words);
- Reduce essay length to 320 words;
- Improve writing accuracy and effectiveness. (I.E. Our society has changed greatly during the past 100 years in terms of people’s perspectives on different jobs. – During the prior century, people’s occupational perspectives have changed significantly.)
Rewrite and re-upload your essay.
April 19, 2019 at 4:40 pmI agree that people who are busy doing so many different things do very few things well. I hold this point of view for two major reasons.
First, our energy, like a battery, is limited. Once we focused on one thing, we had better fix our attention on it. This is the best and the only way we can get something down successfully. Take myself and one of my good friend an example. He is a smart person who always got higher scores in almost every (subjects) when we were at law school. Nevertheless, when we both (participated) the Chinese Judicial Examination of 2018, I passed while he was not. I think the major reason lies in that he (participated) the National Graduate Entry Exam( at )the same year. The two major exams both need enormous preparations so that each of them is extremely difficult to pass. As a result, he did not pass any of the two exams, which made him suffered a lot. One thing I learn from him is that no matter how clever you are, you still have to focus on one thing to make it (success_.
Second, I strongly believe that happiness lies more in quality instead of quantity, as an old saying goes “less (in) more”. You do not need to do many things, you just need to do well in several things which are truly important for your life. Take money as an example. Everybody wants more money, so many people try to think about as many ways to make money as possible. Eventually, they may not really make money in any of their business, because they do not make themselves an expert in any business.
————–
Having removed several grammatical errors (There are more)
I agree that people who are busy doing so many different things do very few things well. I hold this point of view for two major reasons.
First, our energy, like a battery, is limited. Once we focused on one thing, we had better fix our attention on it. This is the best and the only way we can get something down successfully. Take myself and one of my good friend an example. He is a smart person who always got higher scores in almost every subject when we were at law school. Nevertheless, when we both participated in the Chinese Judicial Examination of 2018, I passed while he was not. I think the major reason lies in that he participated in the National Graduate Entry Exam within the same year. The two major exams both need enormous preparations so that each of them is extremely difficult to pass. As a result, he did not pass any of the two exams, which made him suffered a lot. One thing I learn from him is that no matter how clever you are, you still have to focus on one thing to make it a success.
Second, I strongly believe that happiness lies more in quality instead of quantity, as an old saying goes “less is more”. You do not need to do many things, you just need to do well in several things which are truly important for your life. Take money as an example. Everybody wants more money, so many people try to think about as many ways to make money as possible. Eventually, they may not really make money in any of their business, because they do not make themselves an expert in any business.
————-
Score: 67.3
Areas for Improvement
- Minimize the number of passive-voice sentences;
- Reduce each paragraph to -80 words;
- Resolve conventions issues (spacing after punctuations);
- Improve variety (by using different words for the same meaning; check how many MAJOR you used);
- Reduce the number of adverbs (half of the adverbs can be either removed or changed to verbs).
Rewrite and re-upload your essay. (You might cut the 2nd paragraphs into two)
Best wishes,
Lin Qiu
April 19, 2019 at 1:02 pmYou removed my WeChat contact?
April 18, 2019 at 4:10 pmYou uploaded two essays at almost the same time. You need to complete the full revision process prior to working on your 2nd essay.
April 18, 2019 at 4:07 pmScore: 70
Suggestions for improvement:
- Minimize use of passive voice;
- Reduce your essay to 320 words;
- Shorten long sentences (exceeding 20 words);
- Keep each paragraph within 95 words.
I will provide additional feedback once you resolve the issues above.
Best regards,
Lin Qiu
April 17, 2019 at 9:56 pmScore: 48.2
Problems:
- Excessive use of passive-voice sentences;
- About half of the sentences exceed 20 words;
Below are the hard-read sentences. You must rewrite them.
- The moral standard of a leader, an essential aspect for the prosperity of a nation, has been discussed and even triggers a heated debate over whether it is necessary for a leader to reserve the highest ethical and moral standards to be effective in his/her tenure.
- Contrary to these people’s view is my perspective that the moral standard facilitates the efficiency when a leader carries out the policy, yet there are other dimensions to judge the effectiveness of a leader.
- We all take the fact for granted that an honest, frugal, sympathy leader will perform well, increase the welfare of people and guide society to prosperity.
- For example, the leaders during the Anti-Japanese war in China, who were all so kind and warm-hearted to share their food with subordinates in such material deficiency situation, won people’s support most and inspired more people to join army to defend for the integrity of China.
- Hardly can we imagine that an spendthrift leader during that time would win people’s support, implement policy effectively and save people from suffering.
- A leader may have trivial shortcomings in morality, but people could brook it if the leader has what it needs to benefit the society and make progress in well-being, environment, science, technology and art.
- Whether the leader is knowledgeable in politics, laws, economy and international relationship and has decisive judgement matters more regarding the effectiveness.
April 17, 2019 at 9:47 pmScore: 62.8
Many sentences exceed 2o words, which makes your essay very difficult to read. You must shorten them.
Rewrite these hard-reading sentences:
- Recently, an increasing number of companies have changed the traditional way of working, giving permission to their workers to stay at home, as long as they manage to finish their tasks on time.
- What’s more, workers are able to make adaptations according to their own habits in daily life, which is likely to promise a good working state and higher efficiency of workers.
- Admittedly, working at office has some advantages, including easy management and convenience of communication between staff members.
- However, the progress in technologies enables workers and managers communicate efficiently on the Internet with email or software designed for distant business.
- Since the communication technologies have overcome such difficulties, working at home offers a much flexible and cost-saving way of business.
April 17, 2019 at 9:38 pmThis essay scores 0.
Problems:
- Numerous grammatical/convention issues;
- Most sentences exceed 20 words;
- Paragraphs exceed 85 words;
- Excessive use of passive voice sentences.
You need to rewrite the essay.
