Please reply to provide the essay topic.

Score: 56.1

Issues:

1. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Score: 42.2

Issues:

1. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Score: 71.5

Concepts are developed beyond facts. In other words, we use concepts to illustrate ideas and opinions that we see or hear about this world. However, the purpose that we learn about concepts is to have [use concrete verb  ]more [inappropriate word  ] understanding of facts and the real world. That’s why I believe that it is more important to learn from facts, [ punctuation error ]rather than any concepts or so.

To begin with, facts are more comprehensive. Concept are [ grammatical error ]simplified and abstract since they [ inconsistent word form ] have to describe (a kind of) [wordy  ] phenomenon with limited words. It’s hard for us to learn from concepts (with no relation) [ wordy ] to the real world. For example, if you [ inconsistency with person ] try to learn how to ride bikes from books, then you [ inconsistency in person ]will not achieve it [unclear pronoun  ]. Though you [ inconsistency in person ] have read how to keep your balance, or how to move the pedals, your bodies gain no practice from the real world. Once you start riding, your bodies will guide you. You may lose your balance at [article error  ]first time and fall down, but your bodies will make [article error  ] adjustment quickly till you complete learning it.

Secondly, facts tell the truth. A saying goes:” a thousand readers, a thousand Hamlets”, demonstrating that people always add their opinions into [ article error ] objective world. Thus, we can’t guarantee that all the concepts that we are learning have no prejudice or bias: writers will make mistakes, [ punctuation error ]news may contain misleading information. Absorbing these concepts, indeed, does no good to [  article error]formation of our world’s view. Besides, students are weak in recognizing what is true. They should learn from facts and use their brains to process them into their knowledge.

From my experience, concepts are easiest to learn. Understanding ideas or opinions, in essence, means that you have just begun to learn a new thing. However, very few of us take actions and deep [grammatical error  ]into facts to learn more. [ lack connection from the prior sentence ]Students have time, as well as passion, they should seize this opportunity to understand this world. Therefore, I truly believe that it is predominant for students to learn from facts.

Writing Tips

1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

INVALID [I am unable to work on two essays for one student at the same time. Write a new essay and submit it for revision after you complete the last one. ]

Score: 63

With the development of the entertainment industry, today movies and television are necessary for young people’s daily life. But some people say these entertainments may have various negative effects on young people. I don’t agree with them. From my perspective, I think movies and television (are something beneficial for) [ dull BE verb ] young people.

First, movies and television let young people know what is going on in the world. Young people [repetition  ] nowadays are quite busy with [absolute statement  ] their studies and work. [  lack transitory word]Many of them don’t have the opportunity to read newspapers carefully as their parents do. However, through TV programs, they have more chances to get to know the news in their communities. Additionally, thanks to powerful social media, people are able to get information more quickly and [ unparallel / quickly-in different.. ]even in several different viewpoints.

Second, some people always regard the [ article error ]movies and TV shows as dramatic plays. But that’s [ informal ] not true. Apart from many artistic, dramatic expressions, there’re [  informal]many realistic projects. [ lack of transitory word ]Lots of young people are interested in documentaries about/in relation to history, politics and so on. These projects [unclear word  ]are more vivid than just reading [unparallel  ]books or academic essays, while they [unclear pronoun  ] are as professional as the latter. Thus, young people can acquire knowledge from these projects [inappropriate word  ] as well.

Finally, movies and TV programs inspire young people. As everyone [ absolute statement ] already recognized, movies are a kind of art. Many famous directors and actors got inspirations from former movies and TV shows when they were young. [ lack connection ]Art is the reflection of human civilization. No matter for people who work in the creation area, or they [unparallel  ] just enjoy arts, movies and TV programs are a good way [word form error  ]to get inspiration [repitition  ] and joy [word form error  ].

To conclude, movies and television have more [ lack of comparison ]positive effects on young people. Young people can acquire news, knowledge, and entertainment through these media. Thus, the concern about negative effects doesn’t make sense [ unclear/rephrase ].

Writing Tips

1. Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
2. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
3. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
4. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
5. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
6. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
7. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
8. It + Be + Verb:  Wordy.
9. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
10. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
11. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
12. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
13. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
14. There Be Sentence: Wordy
15. Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
16. Unparalleled Structure:  use paralleled structures, including tense.
17. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
18. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

Score: 57.1

Issues:

1. Nearly 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.